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3/10/2011

Forgotten Fiends: Suitable For Saturday Nights

In case you're just tuning in to the Gorgon Channel, here are links to the first and second installment of Forgotten Fiends, where we bring you the discarded dregs of 80s-era White Dwarf monsters!

First up, from WD #12 (April/May 1979) we have Roger Musson's Iron Pig:

If you recall, Roger is also responsible for the dreaded Stair Stalker. While not nearly as creep-tastic as that green freak, the humble iron pig is diabolically utilitarian. What wizard wouldn't have these things patrolling his manse? With an average of 20 HP a pop, that low AC, and the ability to puff little Iron Golem-style clouds of deadly poisonous gas, just a few of these metal hogs could really set a PC party running for the nearest exit! 

Albie Fiore was Don Turnbull's successor as curator of the Fiend Factory feature. I am a tad smitten with Albie's take on the Cyclops, which appeared in WD #21 (Oct/Nov 1980). Certainly that slimy, vaguely reptilian horror Russ Nicholson depicted above makes the MMII's Cyclopskin look like something of a mop-topped pussy. Even the Cyclops' crappy depth perception is slightly less crappy than the -Kin's. And it has a gaze attack! But really the frosting on this monstercake is the bit about procreating with the human womens. I dig the whole "Wait...Wait to eat her till she comes to term. And if your offspring has more than one sea-green eye, then you gets to eats it too!" Plus those man-sized cyclopean lovechildren make this monster entry kind of a twofer. Did someone say PC race? What? You want a campaign based on KRULL? Right on.

Oh it all comes down to the Tali Monster doesn't it? Created by some mad, beautiful bastard named Craig Edwards, this unique pile of sentient lard appeared in WD #24 (April/May 1981) in a special section devoted to "eccentric" FF submissions called Monster Madness. If you look closely at the picture, those little figures supporting the Tali's massive bulk are a squad of thirty-five goblins. Thirty-five! Fuck David Bowie -- the Tali Monster is THE goblin-king in my book! This guy eats hobbits like they're Doritos. And a breath weapon that smells like garlic, whisky and tobacco! What a cool arch-villain to add to the cast of your campaign. DMs: I suggest using your best Godfather impression for this guy. Either that or imagine what the Buddha might sound like if he was Lawful Evil...

That's all for now!

3 comments:

  1. I'm guessing that the Tali Monster was an attempt at character assassination? Some of the details seems a bit specific.

    How about those custom logos for some of these monsters such as the Stair Stalker and Iron Pig...makes me want to a form a metal band named after one of these monsters...

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  2. If the Tali is a case of character assassination, then DMs get ironic bonus points for using him to assassinate characters!

    But yeah, you have a point. Old Tali may indeed be the D&D-carnation of some unfortunate catpiss man.

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  3. Talimonster. Even the name is slightly off-kilter.

    Am I wrong in thinking that Fiend Factory sounds like the name of a Studio 54-esque disco era club?

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