UL BANNER

3/09/2011

Here You Go, OSR

There. Feel better?
 
BONUS! D6 TABLE OF RANDOM USELESS SHIT
Part of a hoard maybe? Or just some junk you stole from that toothless peddler?
Either way, this shit is useless.

(1) Bent and partially burned lampshade
(2) Sack full of old fingernail clippings
(3) Ripped pornographic oil painting
(4) False testicles (rubber; belonged to a eunuch)
(5) Two wooden pence (worthless; won't get you free drinks)
(6) Flask of endless bitching: This bitter concoction might easily be mistaken for a run-of-the-mill healing potion. When imbibed the drinker is compelled to let loose with a seemingly endless tirade of complaints, hypocritical criticisms, nonsensical claims and patronizing comments directed at all those standing nearby. Only a Cure Disease or Remove Curse will quell the tongue of the afflicted character.

16 comments:

  1. I'd like to use that picture of kittens to launch a discussion of grapple rules in 3rd edition ...

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  2. Bagsie the fingernail clippings! I know a hag three levels down who'll give me a good price on them. And she'll take the kittens too if they're going...

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  3. Hey, I drink that stuff everyday!

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  4. I like random shit. Not sure about the fake testicles though.

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  5. "(2) Sack full of old fingernail clippings"
    Why this shit appears in EVERY useless items random table?
    Um, maybe because it's awesome!
    Thanks!
    BTW - in real life I drink a flask of endless bitching every day in the morning :D

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  6. Is random shit what you get when you eat chaos fruit?

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  7. Odd...someone at work today said they bought a used desk and one of the drawers was full of fingernail clippings...ten minutes later I found a bear claw (not the pastry...heard that one already) in a 250 year old refuse pit.

    I heart kittens 2.

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  8. Are you kidding? This is the most useful random chart I've ever seen! It should be entitled, "Stuff you'd actually find in an Orc treasure hoard."

    Seriously, if they had gold and magic items why would they live like Orcs?

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  9. @Barking Alien: Aesthetic reasons; Orcs hate minimalism.

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  10. I always wonder why people discard those clippings in games like this. Haven't they ever read Hogfather?

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