UL BANNER

DOLMENWOOD BANNER

4/18/2013

Petty MadLib

[(1)NAME OF DEITY] was the [ORDINAL NUMBER] godling to spring from the mind of the Old One, [NAME OF ELDRITCH POWER], who rules over many realities and the planes that comprise them.

[HE/SHE/IT] is sometimes known as [EPITHET]. [(1)] presides over [NOUN] and the [NOUN] that [VERB] all other [PLURAL NOUN].

Long ago, [(1)] [VERB] a [NOUN] through [VERB] and the [NOUN] of [PLURAL NOUN].

[Elaborate]

5 comments:

  1. Need to change "was the first godling" to "was the [ORDINAL NUMBER] godling"; otherwise there are a lot of firsts. . .

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  3. OBOULDW was the SEVENTY-SECOND godling to spring from the mind of the Old One, DISWASSERTHOP, who rules over many realities and the planes that comprise them.

    SHE is sometimes known as THE BENT SPOON. OBOULDW presides over PIDGEN LANGUAGES and the YAWNING TOOTHLESS MOUTHS that SWALLOW all other PROPER PRONOUNCIATIONS.

    Long ago, OBOULDW CREATED a A RACE OF COW-FACED MAN-THINGS through HARNESSING THE SECRET POWER OF THE 19 BASTARD SONS OF CHAOR, GOD OF THE DYING MOONS and the AFTERBIRTH of A THOUSAND LEGGED WHALES.

    SHE watched HER CREATION until DISWASSERTHOP GREW RESTLESS and UNIMPRESSED. HE DISMISSED OBOULDW from HIS COURT and TOOK UP WITH ANOTHER ONE OF HIS DAUGHTER-WIVES.

    In HER ANGER AT DISSWASSERTHOP SHE let THE COW-FACED MAN-THINGS GROW in great NUMBERS until THEY NUMBERED MORE THAN THE STARS IN THE SPIRALED NEBULAE of OSSTRAITH. And so SHE RESTED and was GLAD.

    For MANY EONS, OBOULDW was worshipped by the COW-FACED MAN-THINGS, who built GREAT TEMPLES DEDICATED TO COMMERCE and WORSHIPPED HER through GIFTS of GRAIN and the COAGULATED BLOOD of many THREE-ARMED HOONS. SHE was SATISFIED and CHEWED THE DRIED BLOOD OF THE THREE-ARMED HOONS and SAVORED THE FLAVOR.

    And then the GODS grew PETTY. LINES were DRAWN. ALLIANCES were FORMED. And then THE UNEXPECTED happened: the THREE-ARMED HOONS GAINED THOUGHT. No LONGER SLAVISH FOODSTUFFS, the THREE-ARMED HOONS were GRANTED the gift of WEAPONRY by an UNKNOWN PETTY GOD WHO BROKE OFF A REALLY BAD LOVE AFFAIR WITH OBOULDW AFTER A PARTICULARLY BAD SESSION OF LOVEMAKING ON TOP OF FIRETOP MOUNTAIN IN THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF THE LOWER LESSER REALMS OF KICKASSISTAN.

    The REBELLION began. The COW-FACED MAN-THINGS faced MANY LOSSES. THINGS looked GRIM.

    THEN the COW-FACED MAN-THINGS welcomed a VISITOR from BEYOND THE MENISCUS OF TIME who TAUGHT THEM TO MASTER PORTAL WARPING. The COW-FACED MAN-THINGS began to TRAVEL AMONG THE PLANES, always in PAIRS. THEY WERE TRIUMPHANT in BATTLE AGAINST THE THREE-ARMED HOONS but did not WIPE THEM FROM THE FAR CORNERS OF THE KNOWN PLANES.

    TWO of THE THREE-ARMED HOONS came HERE. THEY became GODS AMONG THE APE-PEOPLE and TAUGHT THEM to WALK and SPEAK and KILL and TO EAT THE HEART OF THEIR ENEMIES AND HEAR THE LAMENTATION OF THEIR WOMEN and THRIVE. And so the SIMIANS OF KALK CAME TO BE and WARRED against THE PEOPLE OF THE WHITE STAFF.

    OBOULDW is not PLEASED. SHE wants THE COW-FACED MAN-THINGS to WIPE THE THREE-ARMED HOONS FROM THE STARS. But THEY are STRONG, HAVING BECOME GODS THEMSELVES. SHE needs the PEOPLE OF THE WHITE STAFF to AID HER STRUGGLE. SHE needs THE COW-FACED MAN-THINGS to DO HER FINAL BIDDING. SHE needs THE SIMIANS OF KALK AND THEIR MALIGNANT GODS removed in order to REGAIN HER PLACE AMONG THE GODLINGS.

    DISWASSERTHOP LAUGHS.

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