WORMSKIN

10/20/2013

[Underworld Lore #2] 30 Messages scrawled above the shitting hole at the Slatternly Mermaid

For inclusion in the second issue of UNDERWORLD LORE.


Post your short messages (no more than 30 words) and/or descriptions of crude or obscene drawings in the comments below. These will be reorganized into a d30 table. Specify a result number if you wish.

The Slatternly Mermaid is a mediocre watering hole nestled between the warehouses and dockside tenements of [A CITY FROM YOUR CAMPAIGN WORLD]. It is old enough to have accumulated a number of legends. Many of these stories speak of a carefully hidden door in the sub-cellar that opens unto a dank, ever-curling stairwell that leads one down into the Underworld. Other tales tell of the (fictitious?) family of grimps* who live at the bottom of the shitting hole.

[Thank to Carjacked Seraphim (I think?) for providing the fishgirl illo.]

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*A grimp is a deformed and diminutive member of the troll family, possessing the regenerative abilities of their larger cousins but none of their ambition.

25 comments:

  1. Captain Boone buggers goblins with his tiny cock.

    also, http://pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htm

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  2. A drawing of a rat, standing up with hat and cane and an enormous erect penis. Underneath is written Lord Pest but that is scratched over and a series of other names orbit it with signifying arrows.

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  3. Lord Peter von Phenix is a vampire!

    Accompanied by detailed drawing of angry fat man with bat cape, toothbrush moustache and fangs.

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  4. dazza im having your baby, find me you know where

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  5. just shat a fecking baby my arse is burning

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  6. "The Brotherhood watches!
    The Brotherhood judges!"
    and, in a different style "The Brotherhood stinks!"

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  7. The words "I am the mermaid" accompanied by a single stylised mammary gland and intricate lunate tail.

    An etched tally standing at 42; the first seven marks have been partially scratched out and the last converted to a hanged humanoid and mandragora.

    A series of concentric geometric shapes, a first-level spell for solidifying bowel movements, reversible.

    The remaining smudges of a chalked astrolabe marked with several lewdly named and apparently fictional constellations.

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  8. An exhortation in a supposedly long-dead script - "Whomsoever further besmirches this place shall besmirch never more" - with a pictogram of a heavily swollen figure.

    Splashes of a fluorescent, glaucous ichor and the daubed letters 'H', 'E' and 'L'.

    A neatly inked line of advice on fibre intake alongside roughly charcoaled sketches of various fruits and vegetables.

    A poorly labelled diagram of the known erogenous zones of one of the clientele.

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  9. A foul oath that you've only ever heard used by your mother when she thought no one was listening.

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  10. "Dinnae order da meed! Iz not meed but giant snot!"

    "May yer mother fall into an orgy of pigs!"

    "If it burns going down, it burns pissing out."

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  11. "I use the chalk and make the line, I raise my hand and make the sign. To the barman, never mean, keep me well, and make me clean."

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  12. dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry dingleberry

    (note: this should be written in gnomish runes)

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  13. "Shit at your own risk." -- The Management.

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  14. Attendant not responsible for grimp attacks.

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  15. The hole may reek
    Your bowels may clench
    Your dingle might tingle the slatternly wench
    But when you're done doing your dastardly deed
    Please clean up your slop for the next man in need.

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  16. Raffan: Go left then right then left then left then left. Secret door in back sun-side corner. Down hall. Then left, left, left, left, left, right. The book is in the back. See page 29.

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  17. Buy him a drink and he'll steal your heart;
    Bring him to bed, he'll do nothing but fart.

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  18. Drawing of a chubby mermaid bent over exposing her bung hole while looking back with left eye shut and her tongue sticking out the right side of her mouth.
    Words underneath: balls reker
    (wrecker)

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  19. Looking for my sweet, blonde Alice and that Flame haired bitch she travels with!!

    (heart around the name Alice)

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  20. 1st mate Morbertt is a right choad chugging prick. The Devil take him.

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  21. Two-thirds of an exorcism transcribed from a cuneiform tablet scratched extra deep with a very sharp dagger. Bits and pieces of the clay tablet litter the floor of the latrine. The apprentice who stole the thing got interrupted before he could finish.

    Saljuz spreads prick-rot.

    The First Mate on the buggers a corpse he keeps in an oblong box packed with pink salt.

    That third stool isn't furniture.

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  22. The second option above is missing the following: (six different ship names, each scratched out).

    And some more:

    I found a fingernail in the sausage.

    Have you seen the Violet Trefoil?

    Beware Borchard. He sells drunks to foreign captains. Bastard.

    The South Current past Aligdal is the right one.

    We left them there chained to one another.

    Lights off of the Eastern Reef can't be trusted.

    The waters off Maliz-Kon boil in the winter.

    Toffer pisses in the brew kettle.

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  23. Note to self: nevermore mystery stew.

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  24. Ware the otyugh tentac (followed by an ink smear leading down)

    3000 coppers at the bottom (above and arrow pointing down)

    I just shat out a level

    Drow wipe two handed

    For a good time call Cthulhu

    Rufues HEART Burne

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