Gorgonmilk

Gelatinous Collector

2012-02-08T10:25:00.000-08:00

GELATINOUS COLLECTOR

CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Subterranean
FREQUENCY: Rare
NO. APPEARING: 1
MOVE: 12"
HIT DICE: 8+3
% IN LAIR: 0%
TREASURE TYPE: See below
NO. OF ATTACKS: 2
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1d8/1d6
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Psionic paralyzation - 40% with successful attack, 5d4 rounds; stun on attack roll of 16-20
SPECIAL DEFENSES: See below
MAGIC RESISTANCE: See below
INTELLIGENCE: Animal (4)
ALIGNMENT: Neutral
SIZE: L (20-30 ft long rectangular solid)
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
EXPERIENCE VALUE: 540

Gelatinous collectors are massive ambulatory jellies shaped like rectangular solids. They have the ability to sprout thick, pseudopod-tipped stalks from the sides of their bodies that act as legs or arms and allow them to traverse most subterranean landscapes. At one end of the collector’s bulk are one to three (1d3) tentacles that exude honeycomb-like orange crystals. These are the creature’s long-distance sensory organs, allowing the collector to perceive and analyze odors up to three miles off.

Collectors are believed to be a predatory mutation of the more common gelatinous cube. While they can slide along dungeon passages in the same manner as cubes, collectors prefer to use their pseudopods to lumber around and leap at prey. They use these heavy limbs to attack as well, whipping them through the air to strike (for 1d8 points of damage) and sting (for 1d6 points of damage). These blows can stun prey for 2d6 rounds — usually more than enough time for the collector to envelope and absorb its hapless victims. Small creatures take a mere round; medium creature require three; and large creatures require five or more rounds. Once inside the collector’s body the victim is slowly digested at a rate of 1 hp per round.

Through the use of conditioning collectors can be trained to inhibit their digestive action. In this way they can become transporters — moving living cargo across great distances.

Like cubes collectors lack the ability to break down metals.

New URL

2012-01-21T18:46:00.000-08:00

gorgonmilk.wordpress.com

In which we describe our imminent relocation to the Netizenship of Wordpress

2012-01-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

Blogger is really sucking so we're taking our funk and dungeon roosters to the Wordpress. Will give you a URL momentarily.

Vampire Wizards of the North announce 63rd Edition

2012-01-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

DISASSOCIATED PRESS -- In a perhaps not-so-surprising move by the revered undead gamesmiths, Vampire Wizards of the North has announced that a new edition of its famous game, LIKE CHESS BUT EVER SO SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT & DRAGONZ (TM), will appear in this high holy Year of the Seven-Breasted She-Sphinx. "It is the Future of Gaming," explains VWotN CEO Grampam Unster. "This time, yes, this 63rd time, we attained a degree of perfection with the magick and kombat systems so explosively perfect that it burst through the upper ceiling of old perfection to become the New Perfection in a space located outside this and several other realities. Also -- it may shock you to learn that we are accepting pre-orders for this and subsequent splatbooks at this time."

Community Project: On the state of D20 Drafts and introducing the D30 Table of Magical Insanity

2012-01-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

Matt of Rended Press has recently been making great inroads with The D20 Table of Weird Drafts following some excellent contributions from other readers. By my count it's only five entries away from being complete. Surely there must be some even weirder bubbly gathering dust in your mental wine cellars?

New Business: In my favorite iterations of D&D, magic-users with low intelligence can't access high level spells. They simply don't have the raw material to become an archmage or even a master. But what if their own personal aspirations drove them to attempt it anyway?

Providing the DM is willing to entertain the possibility -- the strain on the half-witted wizard's mind would be considerable. What might that do to his mind afterward, even if he is successful? Enter: Wizard Madness.

The sort of madness being suggested here should not be confused with the mundane, purely psychic kinds. When magic-users go barmy, they take part of reality with them.

D30 TABLE OF MAGICAL INSANITY

CREATOR GUIDELINES

Name it.
Describe its effects, beneficial and/or detrimental. Include dice mechanics if applicable.
Is it permanent or temporary?
Let us know if it can be cured by Remove Curse or Cure Disease or some other means entirely.
Leave the URL to your blog/site in your comment. Thanks!

HOW IT WORKS IN GAME

When a magic-user attempts to learn a spell that is beyond his normal limits, he/she must save vs spell.
Success indicates that the mind of the magic-user is unharmed.
Failure indicates madness. Roll d30 on the table below.

Tiamat

2012-01-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

Races & Classes of Eastern Arkhemia

2012-01-07T18:13:00.000-08:00

RACES

Human -- The humans of this region are recent immigrants from the Western Dominions -- with the exception of the nomadic woses. They are a recent (300 years old) addition to Arkhemian society. Humans dwell in the coastal cities [Ulphire, Kloog and the Iron Fortress] as well as the island-castle Labyrinthine. Some are slaves in the Vampire Kingdom. The woses roam their ancient holdings in the Nomadic Territory and sometimes venture north onto the Handsome Plains. Foreign humans from other dominions frequently dock at Arkhemian ports.
Half-Orc -- The product of taboo interbreeding with transient orc tribes, most local half-orcs hail from the hill-dwellings east of Ulphire and the Pungent River. They have a reputation as inbred yokels, though some manage to earn respect as street toughs in Iron Fortress and Kloog.
Dwarf -- The vast majority (95%) of local dwarves are bonded servants of the Iron Fortress. Free dwarves are often drunks and addicts. A few choose to live as hermits in the forested hills south of the Vampire Mountains.
Elf -- Elves in this part of Arkhemia are typically exiles of the Underlands, driven to the surface as punishment for their crimes. They are a moody, murderous lot who tend to be found in the Elder region. Most dislike humans and have limited tolerance for other races.
Sasquatch -- Hairy humanoids from beyond the Lonesome Mountains. They are considered barbarians by most human cultures. Often found under the employ of caravans as guides and protection. They live by a strict moral code that forbids the use of human-made magics.
Half-Quatch -- The product of taboo interbreeding between human and sasquatch. Smaller but smarter than their hairy parents.

CLASSES

Fighter -- A staple of Eastern Arkhemia's "Wild West" environment. A lucrative profession.
Thief -- An all-too-common byproduct of Arkhemia's hazardous social conditions. Urban thieves operate as a loose brotherhood of pick pockets and burglars. Rural thieves are brigands or highwaymen.
Magic-User -- At levels 1-3 they are under the tutelage of a local Master such as Tantalore of Kloog or Mormeloon the Transmuter. At level 4 the magic-user is an Adept and must locate new spells to add to his/her repetoire. There are no more than several dozen magic-users scattered throughout Eastern Arkhemia, and most of these are Apprentices (level 1-3). Rivalries exist between the schools of various Masters, such as the students of the Enchantresses of Mount Phantioch. [Most elves are default magic-users with access to m-u and druidic spells. Most learn to cast spells under the tutelage of a Chimera (rarely another type of trans-aetheric being).]

More about Labyrinthine and the Cult of the Nine-Legged God

2012-01-07T16:19:00.000-08:00

The Lake of the Floating Mosses is named for the peculiar gas-filled polyps of moss and vegetable matter that conglomerate above the lake's center. They hover perhaps ten yards above the water in masses varying in size from small clods to boulder-sized miniature islands where a number of small trees may stand.

The lake is claimed by the Cult of the Nine-Legged God who have lived in the island-castle called Labyrinthine since time out of mind. The red priests worship the Dark Mother whose name is sacred. Legends say that she lives deep beneath the fungus-crusted catacombs of Labyrinthine in a vast chasm. She is described as a spider with nine legs, each the size of an ancient oak. Her webs are like thick vines dripping with sticky sap. They catch creatures that crawl up from the abyss below*. All this and more is told in the Book of Unfolding Time which contains all the sacred writings of the red priests.

Each cultist of the Dark Mother must bear her mark -- an eye-like shape composed of nine runes. The Mark (as it is commonly known) must be tattooed on the body of the cultist by his or her ninth year. Usually under the left arm and always with the pale ink of the orange lotus. Only persons bearing this mark are allowed passage at the Southern Dock to the island-castle. Clever tattooists will occasionally fake these marks with temporary inks. Discovery of this sort of subterfuge is an automatic death sentence.

It is unclear just how many dwell within the winding halls and echoing quadrangles that constitute the Castle Labyrinthine. There are countless apartments, kitchens, water closets, bath pools, galleries, shrines, fountains, stairwells, libraries, crypts, vaults, cellars, dungeons and partially collapsed areas -- far too many to navigate without an experienced guide or a bit of magic.

The Five Hierophants -- sometimes called the Pentangle -- manage Labyrinthine's assets and have thousands of clerics in their service.

_________________________________
*: the Lesser Underworld of Ghastur

Hey, it's that map again

2012-01-07T13:22:00.000-08:00

So a while ago John Williams of Rule of the Dice posted a label-less campaign map. I've been working with it to prep for the new campaign (which will involve old Jandeline). What you see below is an area called Eastern Arkhemia, part of the weird plane of Quantique.

Scale: It takes three days to walk the coastline from Ulphire to the Bay of Kloog. Figuring at 3 mph for thirty hours total walking, that's about 90 miles.

Towns and Settlements

Iron Fortress: A wealthy, heavily fortified town managed by evil humans who enslave dwarves to mine the rich iron deposits found to the north-west.
Kloog: A town nominally under the control of the Red Priests of Labyrinthine. Known for its gambling halls, shipyards and vineyards.
Labyrinthine: An island-castle on the Lake of Floating Mosses. Only members of the Cult of the Dark Mother who bear the Mark are permitted entry.
Mount Orlock: A hollow-mountain fastness created by the dwarves long ago, now under the aegis of the so-called Vampire Kingdom.
Ulphire: A poor town in a constant state of disrepair due to regular raids from the inbred half-orc hill-people to the east.

Regions

Elder: Wilderness inhabited by ogres, ghosts and exiled elves. Not a favored trade route.
Handsome Plains: Expansive grasslands rich with game. Horned giants and nomads are known to hunt there.
Lonesome Mountains: Sacred "cradle" of the horned giants. Not much is known about these forested mountains.
Nomadic Territory: Barbarous land frequented by the gypsy-like woses or nomads.
Phantom Lake: A perpetually foggy body of water frequented by foreign merchants. Reputedly haunted.
Purple Jungles: Wilderness of violet fungi and flowering trees rife with displacer beasts and other weird monsters.
Vampire Mountains: The obsidian borders of the wealthy Vampire Kingdom. Patrolled by night-gaunts and lamia.

Bros. Hildebrandt cover for Best of C. L. Moore, 1975

2011-12-29T20:28:00.000-08:00

Angry Orchard Hard Cider

2011-12-20T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm kind of in love with this stuff. And the treant artwork is great.

A Magic-User's Eye-View of the Jandeline Campaign

2011-12-17T18:57:00.000-08:00

"Portal maps reveal the trans-aetheric connections between a select group of material and sub-material planes (realities) which are represented as circles [sizes are analogous to the relative flow of time -- the larger the circle, the slower the flow]. The lines connecting the planes represent trans-aetheric corridors -- magical tunnels that bind two disparate planar localities." -- from Slephnod's commentary on the Aetherography of Dzyan

Myonolom, the Cyclops of Jandeline

2011-12-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

MYONOLOM. Elder Cyclops Lord of Jandeline's Fungal Chasm and the Halls of Panagoth

STATUS: Exalted Member of a Dying Race

FREQUENCY: Very Rare

NO. APPEARING: 1 [of 3d3 remaining Elders]

ARMOR CLASS: 0 [thick scabrous hide]

MOVE: 30"

HIT DICE: 8d8 [regenerates d4 / 3 rounds]

% IN LAIR: 85%

% LIAR: 50%

TREASURE TYPE: H, R

NO. OF ATTACKS: 2

DAMAGE/ATTACK: By weapon type +1d12

SPECIAL ATTACK: Psionic Eye Beam [see below]

SPECIAL DEFENSES: Randomized Telepathic Barrier [see below]

MAGIC RESISTANCE: 30%

INTELLIGENCE: Exceptional

ALIGNMENT: Lawful Evil

SIZE: L [15' tall]

PSIONIC ABILITY: see below

FLAT XP VALUE: 33,333 +3/HP

Myonolom is regarded as a god among the Ogre-Magicians* of the Acid Slick. His origins are murky. Traditionally the cyclops is called the eldest son of Tsykus, the doomed Lord of Giants who ruled the Riddled Mountains that fell into the void so many aeons ago. In fact he may be nothing more than a vagabond from some remote drifting territory**. The creature resides deep under Jandeline's crust, beneath the ruined Halls of Old Panagoth in a place called the Fungal Chasm, where the humanoid remnants of Panagothian society still reside at this time. It is served by the Ogre Priest, Tlomethix, and his seven sons and three daughters who have been deformed by time and natal exposure to Jandeline's green radiance. They bring Myonolom offeriings of food every three XR [Xulx Rotation, local unit of time measurement, roughly equivalent to two days in campaign time.] These offerings consist of snake-fish, tunnel-worms and fattened ogre infants and women -- all in rationed amounts and prepared according to eldritch recipes.

PSIONIC EYE BEAM: A focused telepathic blast that paralyzes the target with deep loathing and fear for 1d6 rounds [no save; successful WIS check will break paralysis after one round; failed roll = paralysis in effect for full term of 1d6 roll]

RANDOMIZED TELEPATHIC BARRIER: A shimmering and fragmented field of augmented inertia that Myonolom can maintain for 3 turns provided he makes no physical attacks. Any non-magical attacks directed at the cyclops are modified by -5 while the barrier is up.

Myonolom is reputed to have a vast treasure of antiquities dating back to the Third Aeon.

____________________

*OGRE-MAGICIANS: Ugly humanoids who ply Jandeline's emerald Acid Slick for snake-fish and silver crabs to sell at the Black Pig's Market located beyond the Mirror Portal.
**DRIFTING TERRITORY: A plane-fragment hurtling through the Aetheric at the speed of thought.

Jandeline Map

2011-12-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

Gearing Up For X-Plorations

2011-11-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

A Completely Fabricated Interview

with G. Gorgonmilk, Esq.

J. DOE [JD]: There's been a prolonged lull in activity on this blog. What gives, man?

GREG GORGONMILK [GG]: The lull is approximately 67% the fault of my new and keerazy work schedule. It makes me sad when I realize that massive amounts of time are being eaten away due to me behaving responsibly. I humbly apologize for any inconvenience that the slumber of Gorgonmilk might have caused.

JD: Huh. That's not very interesting. So what are you reading? Have you been gaming at all?

GG: Not much gaming but a lot of fleeting thoughts about setting ideas. My X-Plorers boxed set will probably show up tomorrow, so my thoughts have naturally been leaning toward pulp sf/space opera ideas.

JD: What sort of visual inspiration are these ideas drawing from?

GG: Chris Foss mostly.

While the ships above are beautiful and convoluted and glossy (at least the colored ones) the real imagination-food is found in the sort of worlds they suggest. I imagine a vast interstellar region of commerce and travel between Vancian planet-states. Maybe a touch of Moebius and H. R. Giger as well. I don't want lots of crazy space-faring aliens so much as I want extinct alien environments -- dungeon-worlds, essentially, that are rife with possibilities. Mountains of Madness in Space.

The Space Madness

JD: Is this going to be a gritty/realistic foray or something more Super-Science-y?

GG: Something like a mish-mushy blendering of Blade Runner/Alien/Terminator/Brazil sort of dystopian, cybernetic, paranoiac scenario.

JD: So when are you going to do another community project?

GG: Technically we still have to finish D20 DRAFTS before I can really put my heart-soul into another one. We've got some awesome entries so far, but there is room for a good deal more.

FREE Goblin Market PDF

2011-11-23T14:24:00.000-08:00

Matt of the Rended Press delivers once again: Click here for a spiffy PDF version of the Goblin Market tables, an OSR community effort.

Unite

2011-10-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

Sidebar Candy

The Eiglophian Press and Quantique

2011-10-19T19:35:00.000-07:00

Before Gorgonmilk, there was the Eiglophian Press and Quantique.

THANKS TO RESTLESS, CYCLOPEATRON, AND NEEDLES (FOR POINTING IT OUT TO ME)

Beautiful STAR WARS fan flick from Italy

2011-10-10T15:55:00.000-07:00

Here's the link to the io9 article.

"Love Machine" by Colombus

2011-09-29T07:13:00.001-07:00

Columbus - Lovemachine from The Crystal Beach on Vimeo.

This may the greatest thing on the Interwebs right now.

Vaporskull

2011-09-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Vaporskull is about electronic music selections from the Ggmlk.

The dirty wizard

2011-09-26T06:54:00.000-07:00

So my Halloween costume concept this year is "dirty wizard" -- a lot of people seem to be interpreting that as "pervy wizard", which is not really the same thing (though I suppose he could be a "pervy dirty wizard"). What I actually have in mind is a kind of sorcerer-hobo. A drifter with a grimy, pest-infested beard, a magic amulet (made by my bff sekhmet ), an old tarot card in his pocket (the Tower), maybe a cloak -- though I'm leaning more toward some patchy dress pants and a tattered vest.

Suggestions?

Community Project: D20 Drafts on tap at the Sign of the Wrinkled Tit

2011-09-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

What can I tell you about the Wrinkled Tit? It's in a sleazy section of town. Not close enough to the whore houses to be interesting, and not far enough from the shadowy Foreign Temple district for comfort. Only the hardcore losers, snuff-peddlers and out-of-work roughs come here -- which is how they like it. The Teat (as it is often called) is owned by Fultch Blestow, slum-lord extraordinaire and general social parasite. Its list of barkeeps is sordid and lengthy, going back several hundred years and featuring an astonishing number of miscreants, blackmail artists and petty dealers in contraband. What's even more surprising is the array of intoxicants on tap.

D20 TABLE OF STRANGE DRAFTS

Music & Beer

2011-09-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

Just 'cus.

Mathuesdalc [LG&C]

2011-09-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

THE SEVEN PAGAN PRINCES
OF THE SOUTH

MATHUESDALC [MAH-thooz-DAK]: Sub-territory of the Northernmost Hold, property of the realm of Soddimis [an ancient power of the South]. Settled by the celibate witches who served the Hidden Mother during the Third Aeon. Later conquered by the forces of the Faceless Prince of Soddimis [in keeping with ancient tradition, only his back can be seen in the red woodcut]. This victory came shortly after the warband's mediocre campaign against the aboriginal tribes who live just south of the Northernmost Hold, in the primeval and densely-forested crevasse called THE BOTTOMLESS CHUNT.

Gubernatorial control of the sub-territory -- a highly prized possession due to its rich deposits of magnetic ore -- fell to the Faceless Prince's cousins, the Black Counts of Cweloggia[1]. The choice was purely diplomatic rather than well-reasoned, for the Counts were known for their periodic fits of madness. It is a poor quality for rulers to possess -- though it should be noted that as artists the Cweloggian lords were quite accomplished. Each was morbidly obsessed with laws and the esoteric art of law-making, and each had his own ideas as to what constituted a just law.

SEVEN PAGAN PRINCES OF THE SOUTH: Recognized rulers of the elder realms of Soddimis, Godsland, Tantamore, Iblix, Magynis, Opoth and the Lonely Isles.

The Faceless Prince of Soddimis and the Horned Lord of Iblix are practicing karcists.
The Patriarch of Magynis serves the Mother Mormo, god-queen of witches.
The Immortal Princes of Opoth and Tantamore are sons of the Olden King.
The Rookmaster of the Lonely Isles is said to drink blood and cat's milk.
The throne of Godsland is disputed by the Sun Prince and his elder sister, Llel of Magynis.

Community Project: An Ersatz Mythos of Weird Gods for the OSR

2011-09-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

I have a thing for ersatz mythologies, from Lord Dunsany's interconnected fables -- to Tolkien's complex milieu of nature spirits -- to the still-growing Cthulhu Mythos -- and on and on. There is something both chess-like and clockwork about the inter-workings of a coherent pantheon. As the pieces move, new narratives take shape.

Considering how well our community projects have been going thus far I thought it might be interesting to find out how the OSR talents that frequent this blog would tackle a rogues gallery of weird deities. Something in the vein of Judges Guild's Unknown Gods and the OSR community project Petty Gods, devoted to a particular flavor of divine powers.

THIS BUSINESS ABOUT THE "FLAVOR"

Think MALTHEISTIC gods. Gods who are feared and loathed but still looked to for... something. Protection in some cases, succor, even a degree of mercy. Or perhaps stranger and less savory things.
Each of these gods should be able to assume material forms that reflect their deep cravings and obsessions.
Each should be interested in particular sorts of offerings and sacrifices.
Some might have cohorts or consorts.
Only a name, an alignment, a description and a general concept are really necessary at this point. Not all gods will be understood in the same manner or to the same degree.
If you feel there is some connection with another of the gods on the list, point it out in your description. Confabulate!
This is intended to be a pretty loose style guide, so by all means let your imaginations run rampant.

* * *

DARK GODS

Melejzedik, the Constant Wanderer. Melejzedik eternally roams the world: no place is unvisited by him and no place in this world or the next is his home; nowhere is he welcome, but nowhere may refuse him entry. In our world Melejzedik manifests as a tall, thin old man with wild hair and beard, dressed for walking and with a haunted look to his eyes. When he visits, he does not speak and he does not stay long, but he will take with him some thing or someone when he leaves, and he is often called upon for just such a purpose. But only Melejzedik's wandering is eternal - his wandering companions ultimately return, albeit changed by the experience. [PCB]
Dehu-uggontha, the God of Septic & Sewers. CE. This god of septic matters manifests as a 40 foot tower of offal. The god is surrounded by a choking cloud of stench & 1d20 giant flies. There are the undigested souls of those taken by this god struggling within it. It may choose to speak through these souls at any time & often asks many questions of those who called it. The creature knows of the many treasures found within the sewers, pits, outhouses, etc. of monsters, kings, fools & worse. It may with the sacrifice of something of great value reveal one of those lost treasures with a Charisma roll. The god itself often is called to take away the filth of a community & will add that waste to its bulk adding 1d10 pounds of hit points. The curse of Dehu-uggontha may manifest as an offal cloud which will hang around its target until the offender makes amends. The more serious version of this curse causes the person to cry offal from his eyes. The curse will manifest during the most inappropriate times at social gatherings. It causes a loss of -4 on Charisma when it manifests. At least 200 gold pieces must be buried at a shrine of this god for it to hear a person's plea repentance. Many demi humans call this god Father Offal & burn candles in its name made from goat dung. The children of this god are pudding created from blessed offal in its temples & can be summoned as guardian creatures. [Needles]
Churfaz, the Maggot-King. CE. Churfaz's manifestations usually take place in wells and cisterns. It erupts as a mass of grave worms and filth that corrupts the very source of the water (at least until the deity's curse is removed). After several days the maggots that constitute Churfaz will begin to hatch and become a cloud of stinging flies. The buzzing of these flies becomes the very voice of Churfaz, who will immediately begin to issue strange commands and requests. Churfaz craves dead meat, and it must be placated to prevent its spread. It chooses its servants among the malformed and the outcast. Each of these annointed bear its mark -- a rosy, inflamed cyst on their scalps. [Gorgonmilk]
The Flaw. LE. God of murder. The Flaw may be summoned by speaking certain words in a pitch black room or cave. He always comes when summoned, though the only evidence of his presence is a flush of the cheeks, cold breath and whispers in the ear. If summoned he will answer any questions about any murder ever committed, but before he leaves he will whisper the name of someone the summoner must kill.(treat as Geas). Anyone who tries to look upon The Flaw with infravision will briefly see a frail old man before collapsing in throbbing pain and for days will see pools of blood welling up on every surface they look upon. [Lum]
Ywehbobbobhewy, Lord of Waters, King of Mirrors, Patriarch of the Most Profound. CG. Ywehbobbobhewy's manifestions occur in churning or disturbed waters, fragments of shattered mirrors, and deep thoughts that should not be thought. He appears as a pulsing mass of a thousand-eyed fleshy, clawed, tentacle-like appendages and grinning toothy mouths cackling with maniacal laughter. Ywehbobbobhewy is most pleased with offering of thoughtless thoughts and good intentions, but savors the flesh of priests of Churfaz the Maggot-King as the most delectable of offerings. Ywehbobbobhewy's servants come from the most learned of the learned ranks: those who have glimpsed the divine without divine assistance and have been driven mad by what they have glimpsed. Sociopaths and/or academics, in other words. The Dark Moon festival is held in Ywehbobbobhewy's honor every fourteenth year. Although outlawed in many kingdoms and empires, in rural villages the rites of male virgin sacrifice and blood debauchery are practiced on this darkest of nights. It is said that only on this night will Ywehbobbobhewy himself assume human form and walk among his worshippers, most often appearing as a one-eyed, lute-playing hunchbacked midget accompanied by a two-legged bald cat which rides on his shoulders. [Matt Schmeer]
Urgog-Baz. NE. Urgog-Baz is the harsh summer god of the sun and drought. He is pictured as giant red eagle with the head of lion. He nifests as a nearly unstoppable wildfire in a forest or on the plains. Urgog-Baz's mark (it could interpretted as a blessing or a curse depending on who is asked) takes the form of hideous and highly visible burn scar. The scar is not debilitating or maiming. The blessing comes in the form of a seemingly mundane fire at moment of enlightenment that cause the marked to make life-changing descision. Urgog-Baz enjoys offerings of anything living or dead that can be consumed by fire. Larger and sentient offerings are perfered. He does not speak, he only sends symbols in the form of something burning down. His name is also invoked to protect against monsters that come out at night, such as vampires and werewolves, and the undead. [Nate]
Aghalza. CE. Minor goddess of the northern steppes, placated by fearful nomads. She manifests as a stealthy shadow or smoke with lambent cat's eyes the size of gold coins. In her presence, frost will form on damp metal or glass. Her mark is bestowed on the favoured during nightmares, a three-tined scratch on the chest. She is sudden death to the young (babies, calves or ponies) and feasts on those lost. She is invoked to harm enemies and wards against thieves, gypsies and the fey. Those few who worship her use icicles as ritual daggers and make blood offerings. Where there is permanent snow, she is invoked all year. In warmer lands, she is invoked between autumnal equinox and spring equinox – to invoke her in warm lands outside of these times will incur her wrath. This usually takes the form of an encounter with a manticore. [satyre]
Seppophis the Huntress, Mistress of Snares and Entanglements. NE. Usually depicted with the body of a nubile dancing girl holding aloft a length of rope and a dripping, barbed javelin. In place of her head is a mass of long spider's legs, extending in an irregular nimbus past her shoulders. She is the patroness of all who earn their living by pursuit and evasion, by enticement and sudden surprises. Thieves and other scofflaws on the run attempt to propitiate her with substitute sacrifices (she is believed to be partial to trapped, but uninjured flies) while watchmen, bounty-hunters and and frustrated revengers hope to secure her blessing as they pursue their quarry. Brigands and pirates offer prayers and sacrifices for wealthy, unguarded victims. Prostitutes, jewelers, and perfumers give her reverence, as do all manner of mountebanks and swindlers. Every year, in Galbaruc, an elaborate ceremony takes place on the Street of Crushed Petals in which a fantastically costumed and masked troupe of stolid, upright citizens and officials representing Law square off against their opposite number, representing Chaos. Through a series of competitive dances, recitations, songs, and feats of strength and cunning, two opposing champions are chosen -- suitors to the goddess, and these are led in a winding parade to the outskirts of the city, to the cave believed to be the entrance to Seppophis' lair. Both champions enter the cave, though only one will emerge in the morning, maddened and screaming. The other has been taken as the Consort of Seppophis, and is never seen again. His faction will enjoy a bonus to all activities relating to their trade for the remainder of the year. When Seppophis deigns to take human form, it is either in the guise of a slim, dark-haired girl, smelling faintly of cloves and cinnamon, or of a gaunt, silver-haired matriarch of no known family line. She is attracted to scenes of intrigue and hopeless entrapment. [Jeremy Duncan]

Eldritch candies by Cryptocurium.com

2011-09-15T14:31:00.000-07:00

Finally we can answer the question "Just what does the Necronomicon taste like anyway?" [Vanilla, apparently.]

Link
via Super Punch

Jonny Quest opening, stop-motion style

2011-09-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

Jonny Quest Opening Titles from Roger D. Evans on Vimeo.

Stanley Lau

2011-09-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

A quick art post. Will update all community projects this evening. Thanks again to everyone involved! Your imaginations fuel Gorgonmilk's fires.

Community Project: Goblin Market Update

2011-09-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

D30 TABLE OF
GOBLIN MARKET
SALE ITEMS

D30 Main Table COMPLETE
D20 Sub-Table: Longtoe's Miscellany COMPLETE
D10 Sub-Sub-Table: The Stuffed Chimera COMPLETE

rorschachhamster | satyre | Simon Forster

Sir Timothy of Kent | Telecanter | The Drune
Trey

Random Art Upload Time

2011-09-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

by Nicholas Kalmakoff

Community Project: The Manitou [LG&C]

2011-09-10T18:30:00.000-07:00

The Manitou are a race of atavistic phantoms from a parallel material plane[1] that shun the light of day. When they make themselves visible, they take on horrifying shapes that reflect their crude, bestial intelligence [see below]. Compelled by anger, pain and the burning desire to return to their material bodies, the touch of the Manitou is the ruin of all things. It is unclear just how long these travelers spent in captivity, encysted in the Black Tunnel that connects this world with the others[2]. If the Manitou ever understood rational thought as we do, this quality has been erased by the long, lonely time[3] in the Tunnel where fire will not burn and light will not dwell. It is sometimes told that the Manitou eventually reached this plane through happenstance, riding like fleas on the backs of Sammath Darzu and its daemonic cohorts.

The first mortal to be wholly possessed by the Manitou was a willing vessel known in folklore as the Smiling Man. Through him the phantoms found a means to enter the bodies of other men and women, spreading like a pox among beggars, peddlers and drifters who venture too far beyond the rune-stitched borders of the Southern Kingdoms. The souls of such men are quickly devoured by the psyche of the Manitou, which uses the victim's body to eat the flesh of men and beasts as well as spread its influence like a preternatural cancer.

The phantoms of the Manitou tend to "walk" with the body of a possessed victim, traveling in his/her vicinity and occasionally heralding his/her arrival. Sometimes several of them will wear the mortal body at the same time -- or pass it like a mask among themselves. Wearing flesh is preferable to them, for they are weary of bodilessness.

Karcists theorize that the Manitou have lost their sense of purpose. Their spiritual lust for flesh has been distorted into a physical gluttony that can have no satiation. To be physically alive and eating of the living is as close to a state of ecstasy as the Manitou may now attain.

When disembodied Manitou wish to be seen, they may take on any of the following forms:

A small eight-legged goat with twenty-three horns.[Matt Schmeer]
A lost waif with eyes entirely black, but which see perfectly. Often wear a floppy hat or a scarf wound tightly about the head to hide their eyes. [ancientvaults]
A tattered black moth that leaves a greasy soot mark where it lands. It will immediately crumble to ash if touched. [Nemo235]
The decomposing remains of 2d6 children turned inside out and walking backwards. Looking at the world through unblinking eyes, the fleshless shapes snap & fight among themselves. Contact with them causes the body to sway & jerk a bit as if caught in an unseen wind for 1d6 turns. By the time you catch sight of them it's too late. [Needles]
A patchwork man or woman made up of "echoes" of beings that this manitou has possessed. From a distance they may appear normal. As one gets closer one notices clothes and wares of different eras mashed together. When the manitou turns around the horror begins as flesh bubbles and changes as faces ripple over the manitou like water flows in a river. [Mike David Jr.]
A writhing mass of leeches suspended in mid-air within the thickest, foulest portion of a vaporous miasma that stains the walls rancid yellow and leaves the scent of putrid meat lingering behind it for days. [NetherWerks]
Clattering bones jumbled together in a random pile that shifts and rolls across the ground like a looted and defiled ossuary on parade...doomed to wander aimlessly in accursed blindness and despair...unless it were to find just a small morsel to sustain itself, to put some meat back on its bones and give it a chance at finding its way back to the world of the living, and light and love ... at least that is what it whispers and chatters through broken yellowed teeth to those unsound or foolish enough to listen to it or to give the lying pile of bones any heed. [NetherWerks]
A small, black, pot-bellied goat adorned with ivy-wreaths and a few small silver bells on its necklace of finger-bones...it never goes very far before it is surrounded by hungry spirits looking for a feast...and it seems to be inordinately fond of the maimed, the diseased, and the grotesque...those less well-suited to the society of their fellows. They say this creature plays a mean pipe and emits a stream of sweet (highly intoxicating) liquor from its teats, but then you'd have to have been there to know that, wouldn't you? [NetherWerks]
A young blind and mute girl wearing a purple skirt leading an emaciated cow which has open, dripping ulcers visible on its face and flanks. The pair will wander into camp, and the girl will produce a milking stool from beneath her skirts, sit down, and begin to milk the cow. She does not catch the milk in a pail, but allows the fluid that emerges to fall on the ground. The "milk" is a thick, inky-black substance that writhes on the ground and smokes (but does not burst into flame). Anyone touching this liquid as it twists on the ground will experience 1d6 of burning damage. Any character attempting to drink this "milk" before it hits the ground must make a Save vs. Sanity. Failure means the character removes all armor and weapons and runs away screaming gibberish for 1d6 rounds (this might attract nearby monsters, so the DM should check for wandering monsters). Should the character make a successful save while attempting to drink this liquid, the black milk of the girl/cow manitou will allow the character to go 1d8 days without rations and also allows them to heal at twice the normal rate during that time period. [Matt Schmeer]
A slug-like thing the size of a medium-sized dog, with a the face of a human fixed in an idiotic expression. It murmurs constantly in nonsensical whispers. He leaves a trail of black-green slime that causes plants to die and black mold to grow. [Trey]
A cockroach-like thing the color and luminosity of the full moon, the size of a man and bipedal. It's always behind you (standing so close you ought to be able to feel its breath on your neck) but can be glimpsed in mirrors or by others. [Trey]
A ghostly white ouroboros that hover-twists two feet above the ground. If it comes in contact with a character, it will swallow itself whole and disappear. [Matt Schmeer]

--------------------------------
[1] Sometimes called Chulk.
[2] The exact number of otherworlds is uncertain. Some claim there are as many as 666, while others credit only four.
[3] Some karcists have suggested aeons.

Conan Blotter Art

2011-09-10T16:29:00.000-07:00

Crom!

Never Trust a Sea Nymph

2011-09-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

Cave of the Storm Nymphs (1903)
by Sir Edward Poynter

Long Guns & Cannibals: Further Thoughts

2011-09-08T18:56:00.000-07:00

If James Fenimore Cooper dropped mescaline with Aldous Huxley and Robert E. Howard after reading Hiero's Journey -- well then we might be getting close to the flavor and feel of a Long Guns & Cannibals [LG&C] campaign. Part frontier horror, part head-trip to the Lovecraftian Beyond, LG&C already boasts an impressive array of character classes created by members of the OSR community. The plan here is to generate enough material to run a campaign with while leaving ample room for DM expansion and interpretation. I realize I'm sorta the default MC and instigator to this weird ballad, but I want to keep the creative process open. I'll offer suggestions and see where the collective imagination of the old school crowd takes us.

Future LG&C-related community projects:

Critters of the Oddir Ondax: A monster book detailing the denizens of the old-growth wilderness located to the north-west of the Charter Settlement. We'll start it as a random encounter table.
Rumors heard in the Snake's Tail Tavern: An assortment of tall tales and factual information.
Queer Goings-On: Twenty things the local witch might be doing when he should be around to cure your cough.

Wizard Cribs

2011-09-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

Community Project: A Resolution to Certain Matters [Longtoe's Miscellany]

2011-09-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

While it is very tempting to leave this one in the most capable hands of Chance, I have decided to follow Nemo235's suggestion and went with the #6 entry that appeared first on this blog to reflect the new Community Project Policy #1: First posted, first served. So the spot goes to Beedo of Dreams in the Lich House (which is a great name for a great blog) and his Princess Frog. To read all about it, refer to the almost-complete table, Longtoe's Miscellany.

Almost-complete. Because we still need to generate Longtoe's 13th sale item which some folks call...

THE STUFFED CHIMERA

This item initially appears as a shapeless, occasionally twitching blob of woven cloth -- not unlike a pillow stuffed with rabbit's entrails. Its hypnotically patterned surface appears to be cut from an old curtain or tapestry and is quite supple and touch-worn. Smells like cloves and old honey. After the chimera spends at least a round in the hands of its current owner it randomly assumes a shape from the list below. It will have all the properties of its assumed form except on the surface, which retains the old cloth texture and appearance. Cost: 100 gp and not a copper bit less. Roll 1d10 on the list below to determine the Stuffed Chimera's current shape:

Ginger Donkey. A small donkey, that smells of ginger and if licked tastes of ginger too, which will cure nausea. The donkey can carry a load half that of a normal donkey, until it deflates and returns to its original shape, after 3d6 turns. [Simon Forster]
Daddy's Little Cutie. It's an exact rag doll replica of the PC holding the chimera. Lasts for 2d6 hours. [Matt Schmeer]
Tentacled Trapezohedron. An unsettling sight, about the size of an adult monkey, that will float near its master's head until it grows weary (2d6 turns) and retires to the nearest damp, dark place. [Gorgonmilk]
Ultharian Sack of Cats. The chimera sags down into the form of a loose bag that seems to have something small, pitiful and mewling within it. Perhaps it is a lost kitten. Opening the bag will release (1d4) Ultharian Cats who will take a look around (make a Reaction Roll), and if left unmolested, they'll simply jump upwards and outwards, leaving the PCs holding an empty bag. [NetherWerks]
Velveteen Gorgon. It's a cuddly gorgon made of velveteen. Makes a great pillow as long as you don't look at it. Will retain this shape for 1d12 hours. [Matt Schmeer]
Orchitis, the Raccoon Dog. An obese, wide eyed furry critter that walks upright dragging its bloated scrotum between its legs. It wears a huge floppy hat and carries a black wine bottle. The chimera will retain this form for 1d4 hours and provides various boons to its owner including +1 to all saving throws and the use of its hat to protect against foul weather. Also, Orchitis is never surprised and it will warn of any immediate danger. A sip of its wine will result in the imbiber being incapable of speaking a lie for 1d8 hours. Rolled within the bottle is a promissory note issued by a random party for some amount of treasure that the owner of the chimera may attempt to collect upon. [The Drune]
Candy Apple Grey. Although the chimera appears to morph into an inedible gray candy apple with a cloth-like surface, it's actually a Grey, an alien visitor from beyond the stars magicked into its current form by a long-deceased necromantic worshipper of Vorvadoss. If the PCs can find a way to transform the Grey back to its original shape, it will reward the party with the floorplans of a spaceship rumored to have crashed somewhere in the Barrier Peaks and the secret of non-magickal inter-planar travel. [Matt Schmeer]
Teddy Bear. A small children's toy that when squeezed growls as loud as a real bear -- a useful deterrent during night-time camping trips. Will retain this shape for 2d6 hours. [Sir Timothy of Kent]
Satin Web Pillow of the Dreamlands. A satin pillow made of spider webs that when used by someone to sleep immediately transports the user to the Dreamlands. The sleeper appears somewhere in the Dreamlands lying on the pillow, and can return to the real world again sleeping on the pillow. The chimera will retain this form for 2d12 hours. [Igor "Corvus Corax" Sartorato]
Readjustment. The Stuffed Chimera is mostly inactive and cannot be activated for 2d6 turns. It makes very gentle sounds and some small movements, but nothing else. [rorschachhamster]

Oh, and this is mostly directed at our Portable Document Format specialist and general Idea Man, Matt Schmeer -- to address the issue of how a PDF of our Goblin Market tables might be arranged -- I was thinking giving sub-tables their own appendices rather than trying to work them in to the main table's body of text. Does that make sense?

That's More Like It

2011-09-08T12:17:00.000-07:00

We can forget that "G" thing ever happened now.

And with apologies to the estimable Milo Manara:

Manara's original page from Piranese: The Prison Planet...

Ggmlk does Sexytime (with Music)

2011-09-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

Candice doing the kitty thing

Who do I have to blow to get an NC-17 rating around here? I reject this "G" rating. And so does Candice Swanepoel.

Alessandra Ambrosio doing the Bond Girl thing

SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH KILL PORN SEX DEATH

Community Project III: Twelve Weird Classes that are Complimentary

2011-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm jumping the gun here, but I'm interested to see what you guys will come up with for the following. [And you can handle the extra workload, I'll wager.] The Goblin Market is still on, of course, and about to move into its final phase, but we'll address that in the next post. Right now I want to offer up a few steamed and lightly garnished ideas and see what sort of mind-food you turn them into.

I assert no ownership over what we come up with here. Creative Commons, yadda yadda. Though, with your permission, I would like to see it published in another form(s) -- i.e. pamphlets and pdfs and whatnot.

"LONG GUNS & CANNIBALS"

Twelve Classes

SETTING CONCEPT: Ersatz 19th Century on an Earth where Messianic religions never took hold. Some comparable technologies to ours -- gunpowder and firearms [muskets, long guns and rudimentary pistols are expensive but available; axes and swords are still common] as well as mechanical engineering and assembly line manufacturing. Poorly managed medieval and post-Medieval style governments the standard.

Instead of electricity humans use crude magnetically powered repulsor systems.
Sometimes it rains meat and no one knows why.
"Little Gods" are the haunted, mummified remains of a diminutive and extinct race of fey creatures -- some are large and embedded in trees and stone; others are small enough to carry in your pocket. Witches use them to increase the scope of their powers. They communicate telepathically.
The "Big Old Gods" are actually ancient travelers from other planes. While most of them remain at rest and in torpor after unknown aeons of wandering, recently one of their number has awakened. A really unpleasant one too -- called Sammath Darzu the Flesh-Labyrinth. It now roams the deepnesses of the north-eastern Oddir Ondax wilderness where its eldritch cult gathers to invoke and worship it.
Possession by disembodied spirits an issue. Victims are taken by manitou (hungry ghosts) and eventually become mindless cannibals constantly on the lookout for their next meal. The manitou are thought to be travelers like the Big Old Ones who became trapped between alternate Material Planes.

THE TWELVE CLASSES:

Astrolist: These seers seem lost in their own little worlds because they are. They are travelers & adventurers in the realms of further experience who gaze far too deep into the worlds around the corner. No spirit or its secrets are safe from them. Underground worlds are an extension to the elemental planes that roll through the world. Every once in awhile an astrolist will fall to the very spirits he uses. They have been known to tread into the very realms of the gods & move through the astral attracting all sorts of demons & horrors. 1d8 hit dice. Saves like a cleric. [Needles]
Cryptic: An advanced and frequently mistrusted telepath who can alter target memories, manufacture delusions and dominate the wills of others. The cryptic can communicate with most higher mammals (apes, wolves, cats, badgers, etc). Something of a scrapper. His abilities develop slowly. 1d8 HD. Saves like a magic-user. [Gorgonmilk]
Grifter: Shifty opportunists always on the lookout for easy money. They are con artists and very skilled at deception. Most of them focus on one or two talents such as forgery, impersonation, fraud, fencing stolen goods, swindling and other dishonest activities. A few are tolerated and some even regarded as folk heroes because it is said that they could hoodwink the "Little Gods" and can even elude their telepathy. 1d6 HD. Save as a Thief. [Nemo235]
Harvester: These hardy folk patrol the perimeters of civilization, fending off regular folk from the manitou and mindless cannibals by way of mentally controlling electro-mechanical magentic field distruptors grafted directly over their left ears at birth. Harvesters are selected before birth from among the poorest pregnant members of society and are elevated to the most celebrated caste, as they are seen as the protectors of the rest of society. They must train for at least 10 years after reaching adolescence (which usually begins around age 10 on this planet), and are required to serve in pairs or triads until death, often serving with their assigned partners for life. Many Harvesters often secretly choose to become eunuchs, as it is rumored to increase their ability to manipulate magnetic fields. 1d10 HD. Saves like a motherfuc. . .um, a cleric. [Matthew Schmeer]
Horizonists: Masters of all sorts of beasts of burden and travel, horizonists have an uncanny knack for controlling animals and often ride titanic beasts around. These masters of travel are excellent at navigation, finding drinking water and are both revered and feared, many being capable of fending off small gangs of bandits with the help of their animal companions. Most horizonists specialize in either controlling one titanic beast or several smaller creatures. Many horizonists take vows not to waste life unnecessarily, at least animal life. d6 hit dice, save as a druid. [ancientvaults]
Karcist: Adept skilled in calling, controlling and/or combating spirits such as the very dangerous Manitou. 1d6 HD. Saves like cleric. Might have limited armor/weapon use akin to a F/MU...as long as the gear is enchanted/infused. [NetherWerks]
Long-gunner: Marksman/woman and out-of-work trapper skilled in roughing it out in the woods. 1d10 HD. Saves like a fighter. [Gorgonmilk]
Mechanist: Practical savants and itinerant scholars learned in the ways of engineering and all associated mechanical arts. Combine the skills/approach of an alchemist and natural philosopher with the mechanisms of industry and a devotion to the principle of progress. Far from rejecting anything, they attempt to work with everything, including spirits and eldritch forces...sometimes with horrific results. Build machines, artifacts and tools of many types and varieties. It was a mechanist that unleashed gunpowder, automata and assembly lines upon the world. They'd have d8 HD, save as fighter. [NetherWerks]
x
Rectifier: Sometimes driven loners, but often agents of government, that seek out cannibals, rogue cryptics, and the cryptic tainted, and set them right. Only those with hardened minds survive long so they are resistant to domination. They excel in recognizing the dominated and are decent hands at close combat. 1d10 HD. Saves like a fighter. [Telecanter]
Revivalist: Itinerant healers who preach human self-reliance and avoidance of consorting with "malign spirits" like the Old Gods. Some believe in a higher godhead who holds all (even the Old Gods) in judgment, but this being is not seen or experienced in the world and folks are skeptical. They travel in shows and perform healing for the populace and banish evil spirits. 1d8 hit dice. Saves like a cleric. [Trey]
Witch: Every two-bit town has a witch or two. They're who you go to when you're hurt or when crops are looking bad. Witches can manipulate flesh and have an unnatural affinity with plants. They also brew poisons and elixirs. Roosters, snakes and scorpions often serve as witch's familiars. At least once in a witch's life he or she will wander far from home as if in search of something, sometimes for years, then return without a word about where they went or why. Witches are accepted in society and respected, though they tend to be bat shit crazy. 1d6 HD. Save as Cleric. [Lum]

THE THREE-ISH (OKAY, FOUR) RULES:

First posted, first served.
It's got to share some of the flavor I describe above or make a nice Copenhagen with it.
Include HD and Saving Throw class-equivalent.
Flesh them out with me after the list is complete.

CG Concept Art Eyegasms [Part I]

2011-09-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

Matt Rhodes

Mike Franchina

Gorgonheaders: A Retrospective

2011-09-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

Here they are, in no particular order:

Gorgonmilk is rated G

2011-09-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure this is exactly fucking accurate.

Community Project: Which Six?

2011-09-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

So several folks posted their goblin-junk when I mentioned the absence of a number six on our latest d20 table. Which is kinda problematic I suppose. Here's what you posted:

The Bone of the Crone. This small six sided die is said to be made from the pinky toe bone of a wicked witch. Whenever it is rolled, strange noises are heard nearby. Roll 1d6 to see what the noise is:
1. A buzzing drone.
2. A tortured groan.
3. A wailing moan.
4. A falling stone.
5. A trilling tone.
6. A voice unknown.
The sounds last no more than a minute. Each sound will work once per day. If someone tries to roll the die more than once in an hour there is a 66% chance that the most recent sound rolled will be heard whenever the character speaks or even whispers. This effect will last one hour. [Nemo235]
The Princess Frog. This dried frog corpse radiates a strong dweomer. All it needs is raise dead and a kiss from a prince, and you'll have your very own princess. Guaranteed, or your money back. [Beedo]
Vilijuh's Jerkin. A tattered malodorous black goblin-sized leather jerkin with white cat fur trim. The coat's odour prevents the wearer from being tracked by scent but dogs have an adverse dislike of the wearer (-3 to reaction rolls). It's pockets contain a small broken ceramic badge a pin and a deflated bladder. [satyre]
Bone dice. A pair of small white cubes with various numbers of spots on each face. Can be used to alter fate. Price: will swap for object of equal or greater value. [Sir Timothy of Kent]

So how should we determine which one of these entries will be number six? A d4 roll? What do you guys think?

Poll Time: Daphne vs. Velma Update

2011-09-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

So far fifty-six readers have voted on the WHO'S HOTTER: Daphne vs Velma poll [see our sidebar].

There are five abnormals who admit to not understanding the pair's sexually iconic nature -- I blame the parents.

The majority of voters [51 votes] are split just about evenly between ~~Aphrodite and Athena~~ Daph and Velm.

Make This Happen: Digital Record Sheets

2011-09-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

It seems like the chronological distance between us and a cheap, interactive digital surface for running tabletop games is fairly considerable at this point. What would you guys/gals say? Ten? Fifteen years maybe? Which is a shame because I'd love to play around with something like that -- like today.

Something much more attainable would be a touch-sensitive character record sheet that could run on a tablet. Somebody smarter than me could make something like this right now.

"Pencil-marks" on the sheet could be altered with a few well-placed taps. Of course the sheet would be exportable to a jpg or png format for quick printing if you really wanted/needed a hard copy. The Dungeon Master could be equipped with a real-time view of these pages from his laptop and even alter them if necessary. What do you guys think? It is Renaissancey enough?

Btw that sheet was created by Il Male™ of The Yaqqothl Grimoire.

Community Project: Update

2011-09-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

So I've organized the entries submitted for Longtoe's Miscellany and it appears that -- aside from the tbd format of #13 -- we are lacking only #6. Who's got this one?

Contributors to the overall Goblin Market Project so far:

Aarneus | C'nor | Daddy Grognard | Gorgonmilk | Matt from Land of Nod | Matt Schmeer | Mike D | Nate | Needles | Nemo235 | NetherWerks | PCB | Porky | rorschachhamster | Simon Forster | Telecanter | Trey

From the Ggmlk Archives

2011-09-05T17:45:00.000-07:00

I don't have many regrets despite all my past bad behavior and misdeeds, but one thing I do lament is not saving much of the art, scribbles and text I have produced over the last thirty-odd years. To an extent the digital age has inhibited my trash-and-burn tendencies. Stuff gets saved and stored away until I have the desire to revisit it. Like I'm doing today.

SOME MAPS

Greater Dyanmir was an experiment in map-making using Photoshop 7 (which is still my image software of choice). I considered using it as a campaign environment but -- like so many things -- the project was buried. There are some serious goofs exhibited here. I still really like the color palette.

Dolmen Island was drawn by cartographer Jonathan Roberts. He based it on my really rough sketch and was good enough to design all sorts of neat terrain for me -- such as the Pine Barrens in the northwest. It was the setting for a brief sandbox campaign.

I redesigned Dolmen Island a year or so ago to make it more crawl-friendly. The blue hexes are special locations, while the green and orange are mid- and high-frequency random encounter zones, respectively.

SOME CHARACTER RECORD SHEETS

Like many of you I suffer from acute character record sheet OCD. The CRS is essentially the players' interface with the campaign world and to an extent the rules. I'm constantly reworking these damned things to create the right feel and functionality -- or at least my idea of "right" -- which may be totally weird, I realize.

Place Fist Here Bro

2011-09-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

BIG THANKS to all who have been submitting entries to the latest community project. I'm putting in mega-large hours at work this weekend, and it will likely be a few more days before I sort everything out and figure out where we're at.

We don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time, OSR

2011-09-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

So for those of you just tuning in, Ggmlk has been hosting an ongoing community project known as THE D30 TABLE OF GOBLIN MARKET SALE ITEMS. Now I know some of you dudes and dudettes are probably thinking "And what am I going to do with yet another random table? I rarely use such things in-game." The misconception here is that random tables are only useful in one way -- that is, to generate random things from a list. But here's my take: A good table tells stories, usually through hooks. Reading over the entries in, say, THE D30 TABLE OF DUNGEON-FUNK all sorts of possibilities and mini-narratives start forming in my head before I've even fondled my d30s.

I really enjoy planting the seeds and seeing what sort of crazy fruit grows out of your heads. The more weird and deformed, the better. Please contribute to the current sub-table project, Longtoe's Miscellany.

Cybercheesecake by Madspike

2011-09-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

Madspike on DeviantArt

Alignment: How autocrats can shape the local setting

2011-08-31T19:43:00.000-07:00

It stands to reason that a powerful king in command of a wealthy kingdom -- one with all the usual subordinates and connections and intellect that a powerful king must have -- would set the tone for his kingdom. His personal standards would be reflected in the way he ruled, I imagine. Thanks to Gary Gygax we have a useful shorthand way of expressing those standards.

THE RULING BODY'S ALIGNMENT
AND ITS POSSIBLE EFFECTS ON SOCIETY

Lawful Good: A stern but just approach to legal matters. Cities are policed, property rights are enforced, and evil deeds are punished. [Drawbacks: Individual liberties may be suppressed in favor of the group. Codes of conduct likely to be seen as overweening by outsider standards.]

Neutral Good: A laissez-faire environment that serves the common weal. Characterized by a high degree of social independence and innovation. [Drawbacks: Society tends to have pronounced stratification of power according to the wealth or merit of the individual. Less protection for the common man than that found in an LG milieu.]

Chaotic Good: Hands-off leadership approach. A community that runs itself without the need for edicts and mandates. [Drawbacks: Little in the way of public services. Small (if any) public/community-owned space. Public disputes settled at street-level.]

Lawful Neutral: A rigid, arbitrary bureaucracy. Laws are clear and defined and -- while occasionally ridiculous -- must be upheld to sustain a paradigmatic sense of order. [Drawbacks: Little tolerance for spontaneity and therefore bland and unartistic. Curfews are likely and night-life is non-existent.]

True Neutral: What happens in Neutral Land stays in Neutral Land. Government is passive and disinterested. What few laws exist are not enforced. [Drawbacks: Thievery quite common. Low productivity and corresponding low standard of living.]

Chaotic Neutral: Ruling body is likely to be insane. Urban areas resemble war zones. Most people impoverished. Only a civilization in the loosest sense of the term. [Drawbacks: Only the most foolhardy merchant would come to such a place. Scavenging is a way of life.]

Lawful Evil: Dystopia. Inflexible laws that serve the ruling class and punish those on the bottom. A police state with well-stocked dungeons. Public excruciations a common form of entertainment. Dangerous to be a stranger here. [Drawbacks: Anything worth taking will be taking from you -- legally. The common man is furtive and untrustworthy.]

Neutral Evil: A society where all vices may be indulged if you happen to be wealthy. The commonfolk live in wretched squalor and are subject to the whims of their fickle and cruel masters. What rules there are can be altered at a moment's notice to suit the needs of those in power. [Drawbacks: Compassion and honesty are not considered virtues here. Outsiders are generally unwelcome.]

Chaotic Evil: A hellish, depraved and disorganized mess. Not a true civilization at all but rather a common space where evil things congregate. [Drawbacks: High mortality rate. Probably few resources or none at all.]

Community Project: Goblin Goodie #13

2011-08-31T15:24:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of randomness, I was thinking it might be fun to do a table-within-a-table-within-a-table. To this end I propose that result #13 on our delightful Goblin Market D30 Table be not just one thing but an array of possibilities. Here's the idea:

13. Longtoe's Miscellany. Longtoe Greenteeth (purportedly a distant cousin of old Jenny) is a well-known and oft-seen figure at the Market. While he presents himself as an honest dealer in "strange and occasionally ostentatious magics" he is really nothing more than a dealer in stolen wizard-goods of the minor variety. He usually brings two or more such ill-gotten items to a particular market and always asks for far more than they are actually worth. Shrewd adventurers have a 3% chance per point of INT to talk him down to a third of his asking price. Roll a d20 on the table below no more than 1d6 times to see what items Master Greenteeth has on him today.

A crown of acorns that banishes all foul odors from a person's body, but is terribly uncomfortable to wear, as it always sizes itself to be about one size too small for its wearer. Prolonged use can cause headaches. [Matt from Land of Nod]
Wax earplugs that cause the wearer to hear only what they want to hear. Extracting them afterward can be difficult, especially from oddly shaped or hairy ears, and sometimes the wearer will then suffer the opposite effect - hearing only what will upset or distress them. [PCB]
The Long Fork. This strangely twisted fork can be used to untie the lies of men, politicians, & strangers. The fork can also be used to twist the truth in strange & interesting ways.The fork will work 5 times a day after which only minor white lies can be really worked over. [Needles]
Goblin Mustache Wax. This arcane colored wax will grow the most outrageous mustaches on any surface that wax is spread on in 1 round. Goblins will often pay for the privilege of having these handle bar monstersities. They gain +2 to Charisma, humans using the wax will find that the mustache will be one color while their normal hair is changed to a shocking reddish day glow orange or yellow. [Needles]
The Nose Goblins of How. The goblin How is known for his nasal creations & these 12 inch long creations are no exception. Once the command word is spoken ("bogie") the nose goblin will animate as a 2 hit dice golem. These creatures will serve their master faithfully unless destroyed by running water. How can always make more if you know How. [Needles]
The Princess Frog. This dried frog corpse radiates a strong dweomer. All it needs is raise dead and a kiss from a prince, and you'll have your very own princess. Guaranteed, or your money back. [Beedo]
An invisible bottle of invisible ink. Price: 24cp. [Matt Schmeer]
Fermented Mule Milk of Wonder; guaranteed to restore a bald head to a raging mane of silken black locks. Roll 1d6 for side effects:

1. Rapunzel Effect - the hair keeps growing at 1 foot per day no matter how much gets cut off.
2. Mule Musk - all mules and hinnys within 20 feet of the PC become sexually aroused and attempt to rut with the PC.
3. Sunnyside Up - the PC remains bald on top, but sprouts hair everywhere else.
4. Fallout - the PC loses all body hair excepting the scalp, including eyebrows & eyelashes.
5. Murk of Doom - The PCs loose all eye color and special eye-sight abilities (infravision, etc.) for 1d8 days.
6. Hee-haw. Everytime the PC laughs, the PC sounds like an ass.

Price: 9sp [Matt Schmeer]
Flamebrick. A deep red, marble-like rock about the size and shape of a dwarf's fist, a flamebrick has the ability to bring a tankard-size volume of water to boiling, but only if the flamebrick is immersed in water contained in an iron pot or skillet. Price: 5 gp [Matt Schmeer]
The decapitated head of a small fey-creature delicately cocooned in the purest hand-wound spider silk and suspended over an octagonal smoked mirror edged in flaking black metal. Up to three times a day this device can answer questions expressed in one of the various goblin tongues as though it were casting the appropriate divination-spell. However prolonged exposure to this device results in a cumulative -1 to ones reaction with all Fey-blooded beasts and beings for every lunar month it is kept in ones possession. An insidious glamer hangs about the thing, making it difficult to let it go (Wis check at -2), and it also acts as a locus that attracts free-floating nightmares that often deprive the owner of their sleep, keeping them more susceptible to the whims and unsavory intentions of the cruel device... [NetherWerks]
Groggie. A minor found and bound spirit formerly of another goblin, perhaps a lost innocence, a freed inhibition or a discarded conscience, occasionally also magically stolen from another creature. The groggie gifts understanding of the complex behaviours of realms beyond goblindom, boosting by a given number of degrees either intelligence, wisdom or charisma, the precise characteristic depending on the groggie's nature and the needs of the moment. This is a boon which tends to be used regardless primarily within goblindom in order to better outmanoeuvre rivals. With each use roll 1d6 and consult the following table.

1 - The spirit is growing ever less, and its future effect is reduced by one degree, and by one additional degree if far in time and space from its origin and a like goodness.
2-3 - The spirit is tired as in 1 and exerts a soporific effect on the user, reducing concentration and potentially inducing sleep.
4 - The spirit cries out for mercy; if used again within the next day, modify the result of future rolls on this table by +1.
5 - The groggie - consciously or not, who can say? - draws the attentions of a far greater spirit of the nether realms...
6+ - The spirit escapes, into either a) a nether realm, in which case also apply 5, or b) the possession of the nearest living thing, binding itself to the item most reflective of its original owner.

The number of degrees of initial effect is d3, plus 1 per full 100 gp of price, rolled after purchase. The price is related to the nature of the object to which the groggie is bound as well as its power, but is usually 3d10x10 gp. [Porky]
The Underpants of Pthruuu. These slick green underwear garments add +1 to charisma to any goblin wearing them for seduction rolls. To all other races the wearer is at -2. The underpants also occasionally talk to themselves in a strange Latin American Dialect that no one understands. There are 8 to a package. 12 pennies. Many owners try to get rid of these after awhile. [Needles]
The Stuffed Chimera. CLICK
The Mocking Crystal. A crystal of purest cut quartz that is so achingly beautiful that it hurts. The fey spirit that lives within will give the most hideous insults to a person's self esteem that it actually does a point of damage every 4 insults. The spirit uses the voice of Don Rickels, Roseanne Barr, & many others. The crystal also knows many secrets of the arcane & for those who listen it will whisper incredible secrets as well. 20 gold coins will buy it for awhile & then you'll want to give it back. [Needles]
The Watch of Uncounted Time. This strange time piece holds a spirit of time within. The watch looks like a mechanical puzzle made of gears & spun night dreams. Once a day it will add an hour on to the user's day. With a simple depression of the button you have the hour you need to get something done. The watch simply steals it from your life one hour at a time! The watch sells for 30 gold pieces. [Needles]
The Octagon Of Sir Christopher. This strange wooden octagon box contains the head of Sir Christopher, a most honorable hero to the goblin world. He who slayed the multi-headed Worm of Omm, the ravager of the Leering Troll, the protector of the Realm of Undreamt Dreams, etc. The head has true sight & will rapidly know the true intent of any politician it sees. It shall show all of his faults, vanities, & secrets. Many in the goblin world want to see this thing lost forever but it can be yours for 20 gold pieces. [Needles]
A dirty, tattered, paper fan. Close inspection reveals a delicate depiction of the holder's last crime. [Telecanter]
1d4 White Plums of Perfection. These small, nearly ripe white plums are perfect. They look perfect. They smell perfect. They feel perfect in the hand. Anyone who has seen the White Plums of Perfection will never be able to look at a normal plum in the same way again. They will always remember fondly the White Plums of Perfection they once glimpsed or held in their hands. Unfortunately, they taste like feet. If not eaten within 1d20 days, the White Plums of Perfection will become the White Prunes of Purgation. Anyone eating *all* the White Prunes of Purgation will immediately start smelling like a malodorous, maggot-infested pile of raw sewage. This will result in a -5 to CHA. After 1d20 days, the smell dissipates, and the character will find themselves with a permanent +1 to CON. Price: 75 gp [Matt Schmeer]
Koojoo's Phalanges. 1d12 gnarly old bones taken from the left hand of a long dead criminal that have been inscribed and etched with a seemingly random pattern of scratches now worn smooth from all the hands of gamblers who've tempted their fate by using these accursed things in lieu of legitimate dice. When cast each die will gladly produce the number(s) specified by the user, but in return for this assistance, the finger bones drain the user of an equal amount of hit points as the number(s) needed to win. At least the first 1d4 throws are at that rate, it doubles every other throw afterwards. Denying the bones their due will produce no numbers whatsoever--literally the numbers will no longer be visible on the surfaces of the dice and everyone viewing them will receive a -4 penalty on their reaction rolls...some gamblers have died for the sake of one last toss of these dice... [NetherWerks]
The "witch's friend" pot-stirrer. A simple ladle or spoon enchanted to stir a pot by itself -- ideal for the busy witch who wants to get a second cauldron started while the first is cooking! It's started and stopped by a special rhyme, which Longtoe didn't quite catch, but he's sure he got the gist of it. Which could be a problem as, once started, the stirrer lives only to stir pots - while active it will fight against attempts to remove the contents of its pot, growing increasingly agitated and stirring faster and faster. What would happen if such a ladle were cast into a well, a pond, or (heavens forbid!) a lake is anyone's guess. [PCB]

Longtoe hisself

Adam Hughes' Mary Jane = Win

2011-08-29T19:21:00.000-07:00

Like the Franks Cho and Frazetta, Adam has a flare for depicting sultry women. His MJ is no exception.

Gorgonmilk on Gothise

2011-08-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

So I was checking traffic sources today, as I am wont to do ~~obsessively~~ occasionally. Imagine my surprise when I saw that a gothic scene social network called Gothise had dethroned Jeff's Gameblog as my #1 traffic source. While I'm about as fashionable as any nerdy, black-rimmed-glasses-wearing manchild you might pass on the street, I am down with the gothicks in the musical sense. Gorgonmilk's favorite bands/artists include COIL, Skinny Puppy, Zoviet France, Depeche Mode, Pink Industry -- all of which might fall under or slightly askew of goth's black umbrella.

Anyway, Ggmlk appreciates the traffic and is now befriendable on Gothise.

Three dudes I want to brap with.

Setting: Make Mine Murky

2011-08-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

The DM's greatest tools are his authority over the gameworld and his ability to limit/expand the players' knowledge of it. Etch that on a stone terminus and refer to it when you get the desire to say too much.

I think it's natural for us to want to create borders around our imaginary worlds. Doing so increases their comprehensibility, both to ourselves and the players. Like them, WE want to understand what's going on in this strange place.

But consider the possibility that too much of this comprehensibility stuff may be a bad thing.

The best sort of player is a worried player. Not to the extent that she's ready to commit suicide if Black Leaf should bite it, of course. But nervous enough to put her whole mind into the game. If she feels dread, if she's concerned with the fate of her character, then she is immersed and you've done your job.

Instead of elaborating on the game world's minutia and potentially burying the players in background, IMHO the DM should be concerning himself with how to create the right level of tension. This certainly isn't going to happen by telling the players too much [increasing comprehensibility] about their environs in a second-hand way. If anything, such details should be difficult to fully obtain -- and slippery [potentially inaccurate or perhaps only partly true]. Travelers exaggerate. Old wives lie. Peddlers bend the truth as it suits them. The players should not know whether or not the world truly be round or flat, whether the sun be merely a disk or a giant orb of exploding gas. In order to lay the groundwork for dread, this sort of concrete knowledge should be fragmented and obscured before it reaches the player. Keep them guessing. Ram home the idea that first-hand experience is the only thing they can fully rely on.

I admire James M's approach to this stuff in his Dwimmermount campaign. Raw information about the world is revealed through gameplay. Stumbling across cultural artifacts and analyzing them as a byproduct of the dungeoncrawl allows the DM to toy with player knowledge. The goal here should be to create a healthy level of paranoia and skepticism. These things will go much farther to increase the believability of your world than all those reams of notes gathering dust in your filing cabinet.

Community Project: Stuff You Might Find at the Goblin Market (D30 Table)

2011-08-25T10:59:00.000-07:00

Goblins are not known for being especially intelligent in the musty, wizardy-sense of the term. However, they are crafty and can be quite shrewd. Every once in a while, when the conditions are just right, they get together to hawk their wares. While there is a certain degree of goblin-to-goblin trade occurring at such markets these events are in the main intended for outsiders. A goblin market will spring up in a location that is far from the eyes of the Man, as goblins tend to deal in items that are generally considered unsavory, dangerous or too cryptic to be entirely trusted. The typical customer is one who is not averse to the magical, one who is seeking something outside the scope of what is offered in the stalls of the town's commons.

Goblin markets have a strict no-returns policy. It's a serious case of buyer beware, as these creatures have a way of making things seem much more desirable than they actually may be. Minor, illusory enhancements are not at all uncommon.

FEED US YOUR GORP!

Fill in the blanks in the table below by commenting. Designate a result number to go with your entry.
Results 1-20 should be various weird objects and foodstuffs of minor effect (if any). This is the cheap and common stuff that is nonetheless useful in some way. Shoppers expect these things to be at the market.
Results 21-30 are eminently eldritch and should have big price tags -- tags that may not demand coin at all but other things that goblins would especially covet.
Specify the appearance, units of measure (if any), purpose and side-effects of your sale items. And don't forget the price!
This table is designated open-source gaming content. No rights reserved.
Names of contributors with links to their respective blogs (if any) will appear next to their entries.

------------------------------------------------

D30 TABLE OF GOBLIN MARKET SALE ITEMS

Goblin Pellets. Smelly little black balls, taste bitter-sweet but will feed an empty stomach, if you can hold them down. Come in lots of ten, a copper piece for all, and if eaten requires a save versus poison to avoid bringing it back up. [Simon Forster]
Assorted Bone Relics of dubious and heretical saints. [Trey]
A Worn Codex full of startlingly realistic color images of smiling people posing in odd clothing. It's emblazoned with the legend: "SEARS CATALOG" which may or may not have meaning. [Trey]
Pouch O'Glass. It's glass, it's broken glass, you know? It sells very well, as a matter of fact. It's just broken glass, you know? If you hold this up, you know, you see colors, every color of the rainbow—-prisms, and that stuff! There's a label on the pouch that says "Be careful - broken glass!" (Coincidentally, the goblins sell a lot of products in the "Pouch O'" line.. like Pouch O' Nails, Pouch O' Bugs, Pouch O' Vipers, Pouch O' Stinking Cloud--all of which are conveniently out of stock at this moment, thank you very much.) One Pouch O'Glass costs 1d8 cp on overcast days; 1d8 sp on sunny days. [Matthew Schmeer]
Goblin Black-bread. This charcoal infused dough is baked into small hard biscuits. They can be eaten to stop the effects of poisons (basically a neutralize poison). The bread is colored bluish-black and is sometimes mistaken for just moldy biscuits. On a roll of 1-2 on a d6 the character was sold a moldy biscuit and not true Black-bread and must save vs. poison or suffer 1d4 damage (O' the irony). [Mike D]
A bundle of 23 Mismatched Socks tied together with twine. Made of various materials and all conditions. From new silk stocking to filthy wool and stinky cotton filled with holes. Maybe good for a makeshift coinpurse or impromptu puppet show. [Nemo235]
Swine Pudding. Goblins call this food, but the average passerby may have doubts. It is a delicacy among goblin farmers for its ability to keep them fed during grueling days. Stores that sell this meaty pudding smell like a fetid hog yard. Eating it is a horrible, yet tolerable, experience. After consuming swine pudding, your breath will smell unholy for 1d2 days. You take a -4 penalty on all social interaction checks for the duration of the stench. Also living creatures with a sense of smell who are adjacent to you when you're speaking to must save versus breath weapon or become violently ill immediately. On the up side, the person who consumes swine pudding doesn't need to eat for two days, though that may be due to loss of appetite. [Nate]
Fetcher. A trained small creature, usually one considered vermin or a pest outside a goblin tribe. The creature is trained to enter pockets, packs and places otherwise inaccessible even to a lithe and determined goblet. Unfortunately, given the nature of the trainer - often a soured, vengeful goblin with little love for fellow living things - and the nature of the food - the cheapest pellet crumbs or worse - the fetcher may be insubordinate, aggressive, even disease bearing. Success may turn out to be dependent on the owner's intelligence or strength, quite possibly endurance, but more likely luck. Price depends very much on the good behaviour of the fetcher during the pitch, and is usually 2d6x10 cp. [Porky]
Trollnip. It`s like catnip, only for trolls... May allow a save vs. spell, or not. Trolls may get amorous intentions under the influence of trollnip.[rorschachhamster]
Monkey on a Stick. This goblin delicacy is famed the world over. It is essentially a big juicy piece of rancid monkey rump jammed on a spit that is then naturally cured through an intricate smoking process that goblin cooks do not divulge even upon pain of death (although it is rumored to involve sandalwood, wolf-in-sheep-clothing entrails, manticore slobber, and the toenail clippings of gnomes). Often served with a minty mango-lime-kumquat whipped cream dressing, this delightful concoction is known to be a powerful restorative. Those buying Monkey on a Stick and consuming it within in 1d4 days will receive a 1d6 permanent increase in HP. However, if Monkey on a Stick is consumed five or more days after purchase, the eater must make a Save vs. Poison or take 1d20 damage due to intense diarrhea and internal bleeding. Monkey on a Stick is an expensive foodstuff: 1d24 gp per piece. Goblin cooks do not haggle over pricing for this dish, given the intricate nature of the cooking process. [Matthew Schmeer]
Fried Elf Ears. A delicacy that goblins go crazy for, and cheap too. Only a silver piece per ear. It is said that eating one enhances your hearing, for a time: 1 in 6 chance of tripling listening of the eater, for 1d6 turns (10 minutes). [Simon Forster]
Crackpopper. A fragment of a stolen and magically infused common item used to open a doorway to a remote destination by means of its insertion into a crack in any surface. The nature of the original object determines the nature of the destination, and the size of the fragment the potential distance from the present point, although size clearly also affects range of available cracks. Large crackpoppers are quickly divided down into shards and thence into slivers by the sneakier tribes prone to using them as currency, reducing range in the case of fine splinters to the very same surface or worse, with this worse being known as 'backpopping'. Price is dependent on size and the nature of the local landscape, higher in urban areas and mountainous regions, but in mixed terrain usually 1-4 sp per yard travelled. It is, however, often lower than might be expected as the stallholder's assistant is scurrying to the likely destination with a large club, ready for the test run... Larger fragments are usually not on open sale, but change hands in the bloody scuffling of bitter goblin schemes. [Porky]
Longtoe's Miscellany. CLICK
Dreamscatterer. When hung from a window or door, this fragile-looking assembly of bone and sticks, held together by weird looking turquoise paste that never loses its stickiness (or its odour of snails) will disrupt the magical field that ensures the correct dreams go to the correct sleepers. Anybody in the room will receive the dream of somebody else within a mile’s radius. If there are no humans within that area, the sleeper dreams that they are a randomly determined animal. Price: 1d6 silver pieces. [Daddy Grognard]
Letter of Indignation from the Goblin King. For 10cp, Ormondonghrr the Lesser will part with the letter he stole from his permanent file stored in the Goblin Archives. Evidently, Ormondonghrr the Lesser was employed as a boot licker for third son of the Side-Duke of Grinichsy, a lesser noble in the Goblin King's court, and the Goblin King didn't think he was licking boots fast enough. Ormondonghrrr the Lesser really would like the whole episode to go away now that he's been promoted to chief underwear washer and back hair groomer of the Second Earl of Pensy. The chief archivist knows the letter is missing. So does the Goblin King. [Matthew Schmeer]
Sack of Cats Eye Marbles. It's a sack full of 5d20 cats eye marbles. Every 30 days, a yowling meow will issue from the sack. When this happens, all cats (great and/or domestic) within 1/2 hex will be called to the PC's location. Upon arriving at the PC's location, the cats will surround the PC. (Attacks against these cats play out like normal combat). Cats will continue to show up until the PC removes a marble from the sack and places it on the ground, at which point one of the cats will pick it up in its mouth, and all the cats will leave. This behavior will continue until the sack is empty. If the PC tries to empty the sack any other way—by dumping the marbles, trading the marbles, losing the marbles during a a game of ringer, etc.—the PC will find the sack is full again the next morning, as if the marbles never left. Price: 15 cp. [Matthew Schmeer]
Fruit of Goblin Orchards. A plate heaving with an assortment of succulent fruits (apples, quinces, greengages, dewberries, bullaces, pomegranates, damsons, billberries, etc), all plump, bright skinned, and fragrant. Most surprising results, considering the typical goblin nest is surrounded by poor soils (their secret is that their orchards are feed on goblin-manure). Anyone smelling or viewing the platter must save vs spells; those who failing are overcome with desire to eat the fruit. The taste of the fruit is very sweet and for days to come the victim will think of nothing else. However, no matter how often they check back at the markets, they cannot find the fruit again, even if it is within plain sight of other people. The price is a tress of blonde hair, but the goblins are known to force their fruit on someone who fails to show interest in purchasing it willingly. [PCB]
Goblin's Milk. Despite its name this salty and lump-filled beverage is not the same stuff coming from the teats of mothering she-goblins. Rather it is the yeasty, concentrated secretions of the subterranean pill bug. While it is extremely high in nutrients -- a small quaff will fuel the average adventurer for an entire day's span -- most folks (goblins included) find the stuff to be extremely unpalatable. The drinker must make a CON save or find himself retching for the next 1d6 hours [note that no food or drink can be consumed during this period]. Goblins and their relations have an easier time with the stuff, but not by much. Cost is 8 gp per flask. [G. Gorgonmilk]
A Goblin’s Kiss. Yagodah the Goblin Hag will bestow a kiss on the recipient’s right cheek. The kiss acts as a Polymorph Other spell, immediately transforming the recipient into a goblin for 2d24 days. As a goblin, the PC gains the special attack known as the Goblin’s Kiss. The price? If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Still, Yagodah is rumored to be in need of a basilisk’s tooth from the King in Yellow’s personal collection, but she might also accept a hellhound’s claw from the court of the Crimson King. [Matthew Schmeer]
Porkies. Who could resist the charming little figurines that the stallholder is selling? In fact, if you can resist them, he’ll wheel out his daughter, who – he says – makes them. They are supposed to be pigs, he tells you, but to be honest, they look like the sort of pig a goblin would dream about when he’s had too much bad applejack. Claws, thorns, teeth like shards of broken glass. If you buy one, nothing will appear to happen until you are in the middle of a social situation where tact and diplomacy are needed. At which point, roll a d12 for the following contribution from the porkie (effects last for the duration of the social situation in question).

1 – a loud belch rings out and a smell of sulphur rises from the area of your nether regions.
2 – both parties start speaking in very strong foreign accents
3 – you find what the other person is saying side-splittingly funny
4 – when you speak, the words come out of the porkie’s mouth
5 – a talking cat that only you can see walks onto the table and starts making rude but very funny comments about the other person
6 – your shadow begins to voice opinions contrary to your own
7 – you can understand the language of mice and they have some very interesting things to say
8 – the other person’s utterances provoke uncontrollable crying
9 – the porkie fights its way to the table and demands first rights on all food
10 – you hear the other person’s utterance not as words but as the clucks of a chicken
11 – you develop an insatiable appetite for garlic and ripe cheese
12 – both parties cannot speak but must sing instead.

Price: 2d8 copper pieces. [Daddy Grognard]
Spectacles with Color Lens. Brass wire frames with round optics, the right side a pale blue and the left a rosy pink. Looking through the right lens (but only the right)allows the wearer to see things as they truly are (True Seeings). Looking through the left (and only the left) allows the wearer to see things as they wish them to be. [Trey]
For the Love of Money. An odd-looking stone, carved with tiny figures of goblins in very amorous poses. The stallholder swears that carrying this stone in your purse or pouch will lead to riches! And so it does – the magical field of the stone causes the coins in your purse to become very aroused and keen to start mating with other coins. Impregnated coins will give birth to a litter of 1d8 baby coins within 1d12 hours. Unfortunately, there is a 55% chance that the offspring will be of the same metal as the lower denomination coin, 15% the higher, 10% a strange mix of metals that nobody has seen before and is of course not legal tender and 20% feral coins which will endeavour to get themselves lost as soon as possible (save vs. magic daily for each coin or they mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again). Price - suspiciously cheap at 1d4 copper pieces. [Daddy Grognard]
Bag of Shh With A Red Ribbon On It. A sack with a bright red shiny ribbon on it. Horrible smells issue from the bag. Inside a Venomous Shh sleeps & will attack the fool opening the bag dragging them off to who knows where. 1d6 cps. [Needles]
The Other Stench. A black plumed bird of a very surly nature. The bird is called Polly (in fact every stench is.) They are used for hunting fairies. They will demand the first fairy seen & then point out any others. Sprays a nasty oil that will hinder any fairy's flying ability unless a save vs is rolled. 5 cps. [Needles]
Vorpal Needle of Bone. A very, very sharp needle that is made from the pinky bone of a fairy royalty. These needles are used to knit the dreams of 5 or 6 goblins into a rip roaring nightmare that is loosed upon a sleeping group of humans. The needle is constantly being passed around by goblins & sold. 10 cps. [Needles]
Black Flask of Aunty Mimi. An unbreakable flask of black glass that will SCREAM for 1d6 rounds unless asked to be quiet. The flask will pour out a dram of goblin wine or meed made from mold, river slime, & fish guts. The flask must be passed around while singing & passing gas. 5 cps but only answers to the name Dave on Tuesdays. [Needles]
The Dark of the Moon. A bottle of shadows, collected from the dark side of the new moon. If applied to the body, you will become invisible for 1d4 weeks, and be able become that way for an hour a each day for the rest of your life. However, if drunk, you will no longer cast a shadow, for it has become bound to you. You may now hide in shadows as a thief of three levels higher than your own, and turn your body to shadow for an hour a day, for the rest of your life, allowing you to creep under doors, through tiny cracks, and avoid harm from weapons that are not +4 or greater. How did the goblins get this? Who knows. There is a 10% chance that they will try to cheat you, selling you a bottle of normal shadows, in which case you only gain the benefits for 1d3 months before they wear off. They do sometimes sell these on their own, however, and they are only half-price. Cost: 6d10X100 GP, or a special request. [C'nor]
The Eroticon of Hshrangle. Anthropodermically bound codex of erotic vignettes and advice on the amorous arts from Hshrangle the Well-Endowed, a hobgoblin of unusual...uh, proportion. Contained herein are helpful notes on the seduction of several non-human monster species which likely dangerous if practiced, but wholly accurate. It's worth 500gp in a decent book market, but 3000 or more to certain fetishistic collectors. [Trey]
Time-Stopper Watch. This broken but untarnished copper pocket watch is a miniature mechanical prison for an angry godling of time. Once per 24 hours, the carrier can wind the watch, and enjoy the effects of Time Stop. However, after the effect wears off, the carrier is immediately (no save) affected by Temporal Stasis that can only be dispelled by the spells Freedom or Wish/Miracle. The clock is not affected, and can be looted from the carrier. [Aarneus]
Molar Tooth of a Dead God. Who knows where it comes from, but the goblin swears it's real. If you stick it in your mouth, replacing your own tooth, you will touch the divine spark inherent in that old, yellowed and rotted molar. And all it'll cost is your arm... Effects: grants the ability to cast spells as a 1st-level cleric once/day (or adds to your level). Side-Effects: ungodly tooth ache, -2 to all rolls; will attract the dead god's followers after a year and a day, and they want the tooth back. [Simon Forster]

Poll Time: Results

2011-08-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

Looks like the goblins took this one by a fairly wide margin! The community project begins tomorrow, so stay tuned.

Klaus Serling, our Editor-in-Chief

2011-08-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

GREETINGS PEOPLE OF THE SURFACE

What follows owes something to Zak S's impressive rethink of Fiend Folio monsters. For your consideration: A list of alternate universe AD&D beasties, INDEED a veritable cabal of horridly skewed mutations. Creatures that once hailed from the finger-oil-softened pages of Gary Gygax's beloved Monster Manuals I and II...

that is, before they crossed into a place known as...

~ Humbly,
~~ Your Editor,
~~~ K. Serling
~~~~ 24 COCKBURN LANE
~~~~~ DEMON'S HEAD, MALBOLGIA 66666

AERIAL SERVANT aka VAPOR-SLAVE: Once a member of a gaseous race of jale-hued automata. Magic-users telepathically drill into the minds of these aethereal creatures in order to bring them into thralldom. Once the gas' mind is breached it becomes the servant of its wizard master. Aerial servants can teleport inert objects of M size and smaller vast distances. They are telepathically bound to their masters and thus can act as remote-controlled sensory organs.

ATOMIES: Sentient particles too small to be perceived individually by the average human. They make up all matter in every known plane of existence. The atomies are always in motion, like a sky filled with countless swarms of battling and buzzing bumble bees. In toto, the fluctuations of the atomies are the ebbs and flows of Time itself, which does not move in a straight line from beginning to end but in wild spirals and jagged terminus points.

NEXT: B!

This will change your life [Featuring He-Man]

2011-08-21T17:41:00.000-07:00

Skeletor hates your self-esteem

2011-08-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

Community Project Poll

Sword & Sorcery's obsession with the Ebb and Flow of Civilization

2011-08-21T16:09:00.000-07:00

WEIRD, right?

Any discussion of Sword & Sorcery inevitably touches on the work of Robert E. Howard. Most of you guys and gals reading this are probably intimately familiar with the man's work, so I need not mention the Conan, the Kull, the Bran Mak Morn, etc.

Michael Moorcock and Jack Vance, Fritz Leiber and M. John Harrison, Karl Wagner and Clark Ashton Smith -- all of these guys have utilized and at times played with and/or expanded on Howard's themes. Some of them are right up in the foreground:

A semi-civilized, semi-barbaric and Balkanized landscape
A one-two punch style narrative in which a hero (or anti-hero) faces off against some monstrous and/or supernatural menace
Fear of the alien/foreign as a source of tension
A flawed but powerful protagonist

These are all more or less vital elements of a traditional S&S tale. Today I want to cover another one that I feel is just as essential as those I listed above:

THE RISE AND FALL OF CIVILIZATIONS and WHY THAT'S A DOWNER

REH was an extreme pessimist, I gather. I haven't read de Camp's notorious Howard biography just yet, so my current impression of Howard the human is based entirely on his letter-exchanges with H. P. Lovecraft, THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, and Mark Finn's excellent BLOOD & THUNDER. REH seems to have had a highly romantic disposition with a downward trajectory that would probably be dubbed bi-polar by most modern alienists and professional witch-doctors.

This impression of the world and himself naturally leaked into his work. Like his contemporaries HPL and J. R. R. Tolkien, Howard's imagination spawned worlds in turmoil, struggles between man and man, man and the monstrous, man and time. Time and its deleterious effects on the world was one of Howard's favorite themes. Kull's world is sandwiched between globe-altering disasters. Conan's Hyborian Age comes next and eventually falls to the uncivilized Picts. Both ages see the rise of man to artistic and scientific/sorcerous heights. Both also usher in his total devolution to sub-humanity through violence. So no matter how far up mankind climbs, he eventually falls -- only to rise up again and begin the cycle anew. Basically Howard is telling us, "Don't become too used to what you have now, because it will all be taken away." And in Hyboria and elsewhere this "taking away" happens before our eyes: Nations fall or find themselves in a state of slow decay, sometimes simultaneously. The world is doomed.

It's a romantic notion in the Byron-y sense and one that is easily ported to D&D. It's probably fair to say that this thematic setup has found its way into most fantasy RPG settings in varying quantities. Two especially strong examples would be TSR's DARK SUN and Bard Games' TALISLANTA.

It's entirely possible to amp up this theme in an existing campaign by hacking away at the strongest roots of civilization in the game-world.

Orc warbands are in the process of destroying mankind's last city.
The Emperor has died and there is no consensually agreed-upon heir (see GAME OF THRONES).
A supernatural disease (zombie-ism?) has mankind on the ropes.

The more desperate the crisis, the more pessimistic things should become. All those friendly inns have been reduced to cinders, their families and livestock thoroughly raped and dead (not necessarily in that order). The agrarian system has taken a major hit and -- guess what -- there is no readily available source of food. Hunter-gathering becomes the only means of survival. Trust is not something granted lightly -- and why trust someone you're just going to kill and eat anyway? All the halflings, kender, ewoks, fauns and satyrs are dead or deeply hidden, so don't expect any friendly faces to pop up and save your Jedi-ass in the wilderness.

That's my take anyway.

Poor book, great design

Poll Time: Update

2011-08-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

So far the poll to determine the next Community Project has accumulated 28 votes. I say we close this thing at 40 votes or next Wednesday. Whichever comes first. So far the Goblin Market idea has garnered the most votes [14]. It'll definitely be a fun one to knock out if it wins. Goblins -- at least in my imagination -- straddle a lot of weird dichotomies. They're cunning but also stupid, bestial but also man-like, child-like but also very old, creepy but also comical.

Question for the biology guys and gals

2011-08-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Spiders can only grow so large (on Earth) due to the pressure of gravity on their exoskeletons, right? Which is presumably why we don't have giant spiders running around terrorizing the countryside. But is it biologically possible for an ENDOskeletal "spider" to exist here? A creature with eight muscular legs -- maybe one that uses a sticky natural filament to make traps in caves and stuff? Feasible or no?

P. S. Don't forget to check out the Community Project Poll.

Poll Time: Our Next Community Project

2011-08-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Alright! It's time to weigh in on what you think the next OSR Community Project should be. There are three possibilities (so far) listed on the poll below.

Here are the general ideas behind each of the options:

Demented Doxies: A rogues gallery of colorful whores and guttersnipes to populate the red light district of any mid- to large-sized D&D city.
Malfunctioning Magic Devices: A malign assortment of senescent and decaying enchanted items to amuse, befuddle and terrify your hapless PCs.
Goblin Market Sale Items: Thirty things you are likely to find for sale in a typical goblin market.

Orson Welles: Totally Wasted

2011-08-17T16:47:00.000-07:00

Skeletor: Motivational Speaker

2011-08-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

Are your players pussies? Find out with Dungeon-Funk

2011-08-17T05:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I posted a link to the new Dungeon-Funk PDF. Now I'm thinking I should have offered some sort of disclaimer. So here goes:

WARNING! Do not download this product if...

You play with dudes who get upset when their low level characters bite it.
You're constantly nerfing encounters so that the PCs don't have to think their way through combat.
Your players consider the notion of disease in a D&D world to be unfair and a violation of their sacred trust in you, their not-so-dreaded DM who's true purpose is to bend over and gratify their wish-fulfillment fantasies.

The Three-Legged Dzega

2011-08-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

THREE-LEGGED DZEGA

The three-legged dzega is an intelligent desert-dwelling pseudo-reptile. These creatures reach adulthood around their fortieth year . At that time they are nearly thirty feet long and ten feet wide. Their neckless and tapering crocodilian heads project from a scale-covered, flat and spade-shaped body supported by three stilt-like legs ending in vacuum-powered suckers. The dzega's tail is a fan of stiff, black bristles. Their eyes have slowly atrophied to tiny black beads over the course of aeons and may be considered vestigial. The dzega's main sensory apparatus remains a mystery, as it has no visible organs of smell or hearing. It is perfectly capable of responding to the idle chatter of passerbys, but it typically prefers to ignore outsiders and views them as a nuisance.

After it completes several unknown and highly guarded rites of passage, a dzega attains the status of "stone-walker" and is allowed to participate in the movement of the Cypher's Wall from its original location in the Black Razor Desert to the new construction in the dimly lit Decrepitudes of Xoth. A stone-walker hauls a massive part of the wall on its back for nearly six-hundred miles, is fed meat and tended by the cloaked men of Jiste, then heads back to the desert for another chunk. A dzega will only drop its load under the most dire conditions. They are slow to anger but will become unstoppable killing machines when the success of their task is threatened.

Dzega (Adult)

NO. APPEARING: 1 - 12 [1d12]

HIT POINTS: 10d8 + 100

ARMOR CLASS: 0 [scaly hide]

DAMAGE PER ATTACK: 2d6 + 5 [bite]

MAGIC RESISTANCE: 80%

INTELLIGENCE: Average

SIZE: L

ILLUSTRATION BY XALTOMAS P. GORGONMILK (AGE 6).

Download the "D20/D30 TABLE OF DUNGEON-FUNK" pdf

2011-08-16T16:26:00.000-07:00

Matthew of Rended Press comes through for us once again with his PDF-ization of this tasteful and most non-vulgar of OSR community projects.

Learn what it means to roll up the dreaded NUMBER 17 and ponder the esoteric lore surrounding The Black Blessing of Nibbith-Abn.

An essential bit of OSR imaginalia that the Ggmlk is proud to be a part of.

SPECIAL THANKS TO MATT AND ALL THE WEIRD DUDES WHO CONTRIBUTED! Your imagination is appreciated.

DOWNLOAD THE PDF

Vornheim by Zak S. [2011, I Hit It With My Axe and LotFP]

2011-08-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

Vornheim is a beautiful, byzantine mess of a kit for running a fantasy city that evokes all the bizarrerie and depth of those crazy places dreamed up by Fritz Leiber, Clark Ashton Smith and Jack Vance.

It sounds like total fucking hyperbole, I know. I would probably think the same thing if I hadn't seen a copy of this little (8.5" x 6") tome yet.

I've been engrossed in this thing since I opened it. I'm not as regular a reader of Zak's blog as I probably should be, so I was a bit blown away by lines like this, from the intro to Vornheim on page 6:

"Associations and small conspiracies metastasize and meld throughout Vornheim like shadows in torchlight, making it difficult, in the interlinked enormity, to clearly divide one from the next."

Right away I started to "see" Vornheim. It's this rickety -- in some cases partially or wholly dilapidated infrastructure, not only in the physical sense (the city itself), but in the social (the people who live there) and metaphysical (the invisible forces that influence it) as well. A senescent city-elemental of Gormenghastian proportions.

My favorite illustration is probably the "Typical Tower" on page 34. He's made the building into an urban sub-enclave. Apartments are sandwiched between shops and inns, butchers and law offices. There are furnaces near the top that exist to transform snow into water that must turn the whole place into a dripping, dank and moldy stone labyrinth. Towers are connected by bridges. And the whole structure is topped by a stately (probably quite drafty) home for some wealthy personage.

Keep in mind that this thing is full of art. It's a big part of why I love this thing so much. If the original edition of Carcosa had a flaw (and it only had one possible flaw, IMHO) it's that it didn't have interior art aside from the setting map in the middle (which is awesome btw). Zak did some great pieces for this, not least of which is the map on the inside of the dust jacket.

You can get it from Noble Knight Games or direct from LotFP. At a run of only 2000 copies, this book is also a great investment.

This totally raises the bar, you realize. I want to make something half this interesting. Seriously.

Make more books, Zak.

Harry = Hitler

2011-08-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

I like how at the end the Flanders-like guy assumes that the viewer has been convinced by this paranoid fantasy.

"Blood sacrifices" is listed twice for emphasis.

The Black Leaf Method: How to Scar Your Players For Life

2011-08-11T08:52:00.000-07:00

Jack Chick helped make D&D interesting, you know? He contributed to its mystique.

Metalocalypse: Rock n' Roll Clown

2011-08-10T17:00:00.000-07:00

It's Murderface's birthday.

Detroit Metal City

2011-08-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

Soichi Negishi is a shy young musician who dreams of a career in pop. Dreams don't pay the bills, so he's ended up as the lead singer of a death metal band, "Detroit Metal City." In stage costume he is Johannes Krauser II, rumored to be a terrorist demon from hell, to have killed and raped his parents, to wield his giant death penis with abandon, etc. One of his songs suggests that his fans should murder everyone, in a comic parody of the genre. Negishi despises DMC and all that it stands for, but he can't walk away. As DMC's star rises Negishi tries to satisfy both worlds, but can't. Is this the kind of band and music Negishi was destined to play?

OVA (12 eps x 13 min)
Studio 4°C
Summer 2008

This anime is completely fucking hilarious. If you're the sort who enjoyed Metalocalypse you should check it out.

A Star Wars Reunion | Bounty Hunter Blues

2011-08-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

One of the weird things about the Star Wars films is that they manage to capitalize on some great, archetypal characters but completely neglect and/or misuse others. Exhibit A: Boba Fett, right? I think the majority of the fans of Empire Strikes Back expected a little more from the character than a cheesy death inside a giant desert vagina.

I distinctly remember being disappointed when they revealed the identity of this mysterious bounty hunter in RotJ:

I still really dig the isectoid look of that helmet and the great vocal sounds it emitted.

This was a little weird for me:

This development made up for prior turns of events:

Slave girl outfits are a good thing, friends.

Bonus DragonCon cosplay:

WWHSD?

AnnaLyne McCord

2011-08-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Internet is the greatest document of human thoughts and behavior ever.

EVAR.

1985 Marvel Subscription Counts

2011-08-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

Snatched from the wonderful Marvel Comics of the 1980s blog.

Observations:

G. I. Joe? Reeeally? Not a fan. I mean I owned the toys (I was seven in 1985) and watched the cartoons, but the comic had nothing on Marvel's other stuff.
Power Pack had subscribers?
Groo!

1 of the 3 Spider-books out in '85.

Conan on the cover of Overstreet

2011-08-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

Fairly decent redraw of Barry Windsor Smith's cover for CONAN THE BARBARIAN #1.

John Byrne's Uncanny X-Men #141 cover meme

2011-08-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

Prototype: Iron Fist splash page

Uncanny X-Men #141

Variant: What If? #13

Star Trek TNG

Iron Man by Bob Layton

Hawkeye & Scarlet Witch

Young-ish Obi Wan

Art Adams Love

2011-08-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

A smattering of covers, sketches and miscellaneous bits of the work of Arthur Adams (b. 1963).

Poll Time: Daphne vs. Velma

2011-08-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

Note the new poll on sidebar to the left. Wiser men than I have pondered this question. Cast your vote now!

Recent Audio Diversions [Aug11]

2011-08-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

Winterlight : Hope Dies Last [2001, n5md]

Sounds Like: Brian Eno producing and co-writing an instrumental Pink Floyd album.

n5md was founded in 2000 by Mike Cadoo [one-half of the defunct Californian industrial/electro band Gridlock]. Mike and co. consistently release a particular flavor of melodic electronic music that tends to juxtapose lush string sounds with IDM elements and textural aesthetics. Winterlight's debut definitely fits this format. Standout track would be "Awaking and Sleeping" -- there's something about finely sculpted white noise that is incredibly pleasurable to my ears -- layers of the stuff surrounds the pulled-taffy string melody that is the track's framework.

*** ** ***

¥π¥ : [wai pi wai] [2004, Hands Productions]
Sounds Like: Score to a William Gibson novel.

Came across this album at random and was pleasantly surprised. Sound-wise ¥π¥ is somewhere between Front 242 and Underworld -- spliced samples, 4/4 beats that cut to breakbeats and back again, everything a little crispy and distorted. I picture cyberpunky antics happening when I hear it.

Hmmmm

2011-08-08T10:33:00.001-07:00

Cowboy Death Trip: A Weird West setting

2011-08-05T17:53:00.000-07:00

So -- like many of you, I imagine -- I picked up Robertson Games' Weird West Basic Rules this week. And since then various images and half-formed ideas have been dancing around my head. The purpose of this post is to document these fragments and work them into a semi-coherent setting. One of the beautiful things about Stuart's rules is that they have that nigh-infinite flexibility we associate with Original D&D.

Anyway, Cowboy Death Trip is a western/pioneer fantasy set in a sort of "halfway house" reality known variously as "the Hold" and "the Vaportraps," depending on who one talks to. The Hold is in the process of being settled by men and women from the Decadent Lands, who come to the region in search of wealth. Boom towns have quickly grown around natural fissures where valuable Kythamine vapors rise up. Pumps trap this vapor and convey it to the Crystallizers, which compress and concentrate it into sickly purple stones. Kythamine crystals are used to manufacture ansibles, machines which enable two-way communication between disparate realities.

Conflict stems between the settlers and the creatures indigenous to the Bottomless Cataract, the largest vapor well in the region. These are the Phantoms, boogeymen who take physical form during electrical storms (which are fairly common occurrences). At other times these creatures are purely "psychic" -- that is they float around unseen, observing and occasionally speaking. Their storm-wrought manifestations are disguises they assume to harass and molest human settlers. Many resemble inky blobs of viscous darkness with one, two or several eerie, glowing orbs which deliver their disorienting gaze attacks.

Stuff:

clockwork mecha
cyborgs
exotic animals and plant-life
psionics
sail barges
"cows" -- genetically engineered herd mammals
gunfighters
bounty hunters

The Ironmaster (1983)

2011-08-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Anyone seen this? Could be easily mistaken for a barbarian-themed workout video at first glance.

Cover looks like a Vallejo knock-off job maybe?

Uncanny X-Men ends in October [Color Me Skeptical]

2011-08-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

I understand that gimmicks are an important part of the comic biz, but this just seems stupid and unnecessary. We all know that Uncanny is going to resume, maybe even before the year is out. It just reminds me of the whole Death of Superman crap.

Hot Chica v Tentacles

2011-08-03T13:53:00.000-07:00

Is there anything better?

Eldritch art by Hal Hefner.

Scooby-Doo: Then and Now

2011-08-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

Because the comparison is interesting:

THEN

NOW

Daphne is the first sex symbol
my youthful mind latched onto.


Another group shot for the new show.

Daphne by Qiqo.

Dance Robot Dance!

2011-07-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Adventure Time: Henchman/Dungeon [S1/E11]

2011-07-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

Hell's Landscape

2011-07-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

You might recognize the pic above from Hellraiser II. It's always stuck with me. Brings to mind the work of Escher and Borges. Looks like a lonely place. You might wander for days without seeing another living (or unliving) thing.

Why Ggmlk Is Excited About THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (2012)

2011-07-25T08:51:00.000-07:00

We might as well do this in bullet-format:

An actor that actually seems like a real-life Peter Parker to me. Tobey Maguire has a slow, sort of stumbling persona on screen, and Spidey is the personification of quick-wittedness. It was a poor casting IMHO.
Mechanical web-shooters. Check this video for Andrew Garfield's confirmation of this aspect. I won't get into the utter wrongness of Spider-Man's shooters being portrayed as organic. It's like turning the Punisher into Bushwacker.
Emma Stone is way hot.

Chemmusod, the Salt Crystal Waste

2011-07-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

Among the oddments Vasse Ma displayed for trade in the presence of Avullu the Eyeless and his cohort Gmoss were three captive dominions contained in cubes of ethereal amber. In his impish fashion Gmoss suggested a game set within Vasse Ma's third dominion, the ice-like salt waste labeled Chemmusod. A pretty, shimmering expanse which no doubt evoked Gmoss' child-like fascination with shiny things. Avullu eventually agreed to participate, and then all fell silent in order to to open the door to Chemmusod within their minds.

Hypnotic blackness undulated before Avullu's mind's eye as he traveled to the shimmering angle that marked the way to Chemmusod. He intuited that Vasse Ma and Gmoss were beside him. The former appeared to be a rotating tetrahedron composed entirely of corded snakes, whereas the latter resembled a cyclopic eel that wriggled through the vapors with erratic glee. Avullu had become a shadowy mote, coursing through the astral medium with blinding speed. To avoid the bodies of passing travelers took all the trio's cunning and skill. These strangers were everywhere in a wealth of grotesque disguises. Some might have been wizards. Others were likely demons that had consumed the minds of wizards and made use of their mental devices.

* * *

Chemmusod

A nearly endless tract of crystalline wilderness ravaged by destructive electrical storms
Inhabited by a variety of flora and fauna
Such as the wurmlikes, odd creatures that never cease to grow over the course of their lifetimes, which can be aeons-long. They resemble reptiles with insectoid features, such as faceted eyes and varied proboscises. Wurmlikes hatch from eggs no larger than those of a robin. With a steady supply of food and sufficient time to integrate it these tiny creatures become towering behemoths. The largest of these scrape the outer aethers as they roam Chemmusod, always searching for more food and drink to expand their girth. The whole purpose of the wurmlike's existence is to acquire more grazing land, which is controlled and distributed by the largest and eldest of their kind, Bahamut.

* * *

The Hobbit: Production Video #3

2011-07-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

Cool vid, but I have to wonder what exactly Saruman and Galadriel are doing on the set.

Fritz Leiber reads CAS' "A Night in Malneant"

2011-07-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

Another arcane bit of audio from CthulhuWho1's Blog.

Clark Ashton Smith

Fritz Leiber

Eighties Renaissance

2011-07-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

This track is from Washed Out's 'High Times' cassette (2009). Yes. Cassette.

Scooby-Doo vs Biker Orcs?? [S01E15]

2011-07-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that I love this show? Because I do.

Hot Elf Chica x2 / Deus Machina Demonbane

2011-07-21T05:12:00.000-07:00

____________________

So anyone ever heard of this Demonbane franchise? It's a goofy eroge that combines elements stripped directly from the stories of H. P. Lovecraft with mecha (powered by grimoires, no less) and saucy anime ladies. The setting is Arkham City, a post-industrial version of HPL's town. The central conflict -- from what I can tell so far -- pits the folks operating the Demonbane mecha against the corrupt sorcerers of the Black Lodge, headed up by a guy who calls himself the Master Therion. The game was adapted into a twelve-episode anime that manages to up the goofball ante somehow. As an example of how Lovecraft's work has permeated disparate forms of media Deus Machina Demonbane is quite interesting. As entertainment it's only a little painful. From what I understand the game is available on PS2 if you can read Japanese. I have the recently translated PC version.

Yes, the shoggoth is named Dunsany and that might be its penis.

The Adventures of Tintin Trailer

2011-07-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

An upcoming CGI film from Spielberg. Looks pretty cool.